Dixie's Story II The Path of an Old Lady
by Whisper22
Summary: Dixie is Tig's Old Lady now. A whole new world in SAMCRO opens up for her. W/ each challenge they fall more in love. Dixie has to decide what her path as an Old Lady is supposed to be. Dixie's challenged in ways she never imagined. Tig/OC. Lemons.
1. Chapter 1

A/N And…of we go into the world of an Old Lady. We've all seen the view points of an Old Lady. That's why, I guess, I was so interested in writing from a Sweet-Butt's point of view. But Dixie deserved love and Dixie (in her words, not mine!) doesn't go for guys who dance pretty but who ride Harleys! In this continuation of Dixie's story there will be more of a focus on her relationship with Tig and a personal challenge that she will face. She will also deal with being a Old Lady and how that changes her and those around her. Keep up with the reviews. As usual – I love positive feedback (and I also love constructive reviews!) For those of you who might be checking out this story and are wondering…um…what the heck? This is a sequel to my original story "Dixie's Story – A Sweetbutt's Journey".

Disclaimer: I am not FX or Sutter. Meaning I don't own anything! I hardly have ownership of Dixie. She just sort of took over!

Chapter One

Summer passed in heat, sex, and changes for Dixie. The crow inked on her chest was a reminder each time she looked in the mirror or dressed that it wasn't. Her life was not the same. It took her a month to realize that she hadn't change. Everyone and everything else had. It was the incredibly simple things. Gemma called the house for Maggie to help her instead of asking Dixie. Gemma asked Dixie often to 'call the girls together' if she needed help instead. Dixie had stopped being expected to clean up after the Club. They stopped asking for a million and one beers every time she stepped into the clubhouse.

One night sitting on Tig's lap as he and some of the boys were playing poker Dixie really realized that her status had changed. A couple of sweet-butts were wrapped up around the other boys. She was focused on Tig and whispering advice into his ear when Mimi, a busty fake-blonde, handed them both fresh beers. At first, out of instinct, Dixie was alarmed that she hadn't heard them request beers but then she realized that it didn't matter. If they had asked they weren't asking her. She thanked Mimi softly and took a drag of her beer.

It was simple things at first.

Then as she became closer, and closer to Tig it became more apparent. Since she had gotten inked it was like both of them were tied to each other. They were utterly hungry for each other all the time. It was like a damn honeymoon. Dixie's whole world started to spin at a entirely different axis centered around her and Tig.

It was easy to figure out why it was only the 'good stuff' about an Old Lady's status that was apparent to everyone else. It was the first thing that changed for a woman when she found herself in with the title. Dixie strayed from that, she was almost afraid of it. Afraid that if she liked it too much that it would ruin what she wanted so much with Tig. Despite the changes and the changes to come…Tig had become Dixie's one and only constant.

Dixie had imagined herself madly, deeply in love with him. But she hadn't realized that the freedom that the security of being his Old Lady brought to her would allow her to fall more in love. What they had was the same. He stalked her, knew things about her life that even she didn't know yet, and she took care of him. Tig was always one (or five) steps ahead of her and Dixie was always there ready to give him a kiss and a warm bed. It was their way.

One night as he after he took them home from the club house he told her that he had to go out of town with the Club to the Arizona charter.

"When are you leaving?" She asked, putting dinner on the table.

"Friday morning, crack o'dawn." He replied. He squeezed her hips. "You gonna be there to send me off?"

She leaned down and kissed him quickly. "Absolutely, babe."

And yes, she was out at the crack of dawn serving coffee and breakfast alongside Gemma and Tara. It was a moment where she stood and realized that it was just them. The Club and the three of them. It was too early for hangarounds and sweet-butts. The Clubhouse was eerily quieter than she had ever heard it before. It was just too damn early to be loud.

Gemma squeezed her arm and nodded at her . "Good to have ya with us, darlin'."

Tara gave her a smile of acknowledgement and passed her the coffee. "I'm glad Tig is going to watch Jax's back." She commented to Dixie as they traded sausage for pancakes beside the table.

Dixie looked at Tig who was sitting, drinking his coffee next to her. He hardly acknowledged Tara's words but the phrasing…it struck Dixie in the back of her mind. She smiled back at Tara and wrapped her arm around Tig. It was early, too early for her brain to start worrying, but she wondered what was going on that made Tara say that? It wasn't just a visit to another Charter, was it?

She shook off her worries and piled more pancakes on his plate because at that moment, it was what Dixie could do.

"You need anything, talk to Gemma or Juice." Tig said to her as he was loading up his bike. "Keep the door locked and shit."

Dixie quirked her mouth a bit at his concern but then a somber thought hit her as she remembered Tara's comment.

"Hey.." She took a hold of his shoulders and cupped his neck. "You'll be alright, right? This is just a run?"

Tig shook his head dismissively. "Naw, naw. It's just a run, doll. I gotta watch Jax's back a little. Nothing new, nothing worse. I swear."

He kissed her on the mouth and held her face in his hands. Tig's blue eyes bore into hers and he said quieter, just in case some of the others could hear "Remember – talk to Gemma or Juice if you need something. Lock the doors and shit. I love you."

"I love you too." Dixie replied kissing him and holding onto his neck one last time before he got on his ride. She helped him get his helmet on and pecked him on the cheek. "Keep safe. I'll be waiting for you."

"You better be." He drawled. Blue eyes twinkled at her. Dixie walked back to where Gemma and Tara were standing out of the way of the bikes. Gemma squeezed her waist as they rode out and ushered her back into the Clubhouse when they weren't in sight anymore.

A pain etched inside of her chest, a pain of worry, and Dixie never had that before. It hurt. It really, truly did.

"Don't be worried, baby." Gemma stated to her as she helped her clean up the dishes. "This shit ain't the worst the Club's had and if anyone of them could get through hell it'd be your man."

"I didn't even know it could be bad." She murmured.

Gemma looked at her thoughtfully and set down her soapy dishes. "Baby, I'm gonna tell you somethin' I tell all the girls that get serious with one of the guys." She looked at Dixie pointedly. "There are only two types of Old Ladies that will ever make it work with a Son. An Old Lady they tell nothing to about Club business to and the Old Lady that gets full disclosure. That is the only way it works. If I were you I'd take these couple of days and figure out which Old Lady your wanna be."

With that little sage nugget of wisdom Gemma went back to washing dishes. She left Dixie with a whole lot of thought inside of her head. It was something that she had to face. In felt like ages ago, Dixie had to face something like this. She had to face her feelings for Tig head on. It was a fact that Dixie had to be one or the other. She knew Gemma was giving her truth. But, it didn't matter in comparison to the departure of Tig. Her heart felt like it was being squeezed harder as the moments went by and Tig was on the road.

He had gone before, when they were just starting out. But this time she was truly the one waiting for him. Tig had filled places in her life that she hadn't realized were empty. The crow on her chest, embedded into her skin, reminded her that this was permanent. It would the most permanent thing she had ever tried to achieve in her life. What they had was worth that. And what they had was being stretched by the miles between them.

Dixie knew that it wouldn't break. It'd most likely just get easier as time went by. But, she let herself worry. She let herself have that pain in her chest because it was worth it. Waiting for him, was most definitely worth it.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N Thank you for the reviews! Keep them coming and as always I appreciate the feedback! Dixie's going to have a hell of a ride this part of her story. Life is never easy when you're a woman in SAMCRO's world, lol.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything. Sutter is SAMCRO Creator – NOT ME!

Chapter Two

Dixie thought about what Gemma had put in front of her. She thought about it as she went to work, as she made breakfast, as she crawled into bed alone. After the initial bite of the worry it was easier to think about 'What kind of Old Lady would she be?' than 'What would/could happen to Tig?'.

Tig called her the second night when he told her that they'd be home to tell her that their trip would be extended due to complications. That was all he confided and she didn't ask anything more.

"Sure do miss you, baby." He drawled into the phone. Dixie heard the faint sound of music and laughter behind his voice.

"I miss you too." She replied curling up on her sofa and wrapping a blanket around her shoulders. "It sure is quiet without you."

"This shit should be wrapped up in a couple of days. You working?"

"Yea, I am. Bobby's giving me good time on stage."

It was true, Bobby must've appreciated her input because he gave her some of the prime stage time for tips.

"Good. Good. Make sure he walks you out to your car." Tig ordered.

"He always does." Dixie replied with a smile in her voice.

The sound of Tig's name being called echoed with static through the phone and she sighed knowing that he had to go.

"I'll see you soon. Be safe, baby. I love you." She said to him wishing as she did that he was there with her.

"Love you too, doll." He replied quickly before hanging up.

Dixie sighed and rubbed her eyes, her eyes were thick with sleep even though it was early. She fell asleep on the couch and was glad when she woke that she wasn't in her own bed. It felt empty without Tig.

The next morning as she was fixing herself breakfast and looking out her front window she saw a familiar SAMCRO cut in front of her house. At first her brain jumped to Tig but in closer look she recognized one of the newer Prospects. She rapped on the window loudly to get his attention. His name was Chip and he looked incredibly tired and blood-shot around the eyes.

"What are you doing out there?" Dixie asked when he came to the door. He looked up at her bashfully and rubbed the back of his neck.

"Tig said not to worry ya. Bobby and Juice told me to stake out your house. Not sure why though…think they were..um….hazin' me."

Chip looked like he was going to burn up alive and she noticed a cross around his neck and on his wrist she noticed he had a bible verse etched in permanent ink. Dixie quickly deduced that they were trying to torture him by sending the bashful altar boy to stake her house. Why he was prospecting into the Club was a mystery to her. He looked like he was better fit to be in one of those peace-loving Jesus Freak Motorcycle Clubs. The ones that went around during bike runs singing hymns and shit.

"Well, let me get you some coffee for your time." She extended graciously.

He could barely look at her. "Um…I…okay."

She sighed and shook her head as he stumbled over to her kitchen table.

"It's what they do." Dixie confided, feeling a bit sorry for him. "You look like you haven't ever stepped outside of Church, baby. They'll love to give you a hard time for that."

"I…I told them I don't enjoy watching stripping. My Mama taught me it was d-degrading to women." Chip shared, his flushed neck lessened a bit but he still couldn't quite look at her straight. Dixie realized that she was wearing one of Tig's t-shirts and that it was more or less revealing.

Dixie set down her coffee pot and stared at him. "Well…" Dixie started slowly. "I've been stripping for most of my adult life and I certainly don't find it degrading. But, that's just how I see it. Everyone's different. If you don't want to go to a…strip club…then you certainly shouldn't have to…well, I mean – unless it's for the Club."

He took his cup of coffee gratefully and thanked her politely.

Dixie let him go and told him to get some sleep if he could. Dixie was endlessly amused that Bobby and Juice had sent him to watch her house. What they thought he might possibly see at her house was beyond her. But, she imagined that they thought that she being a stripper and Tig's Old Lady meant that she did kinky stuff in her spare time or something like that. She silently hoped that Chip wasn't secretly gay. That would be terrible if he was patched in and discovered he was gay. Dixie had never met a man in the world of SAMCRO that didn't enjoy a good lap dance. Maybe he was just different?

The Club would never say it to her face but they thought that she had been holding out on them in some way when she was a sweet-butt. They couldn't quite understand that Tig would settle down with a girl like her unless she had something hidden. Like a extremely strange kink or something. Dixie didn't ask and she didn't want to know. Their suspicions were obviously why they chose to send him over to her house and not Gemma's home.

Tig finally rolled into the Clubhouse late one evening after calling her. She joined Tara, Gemma, and a couple of the girls to greet them. The moment she saw his cut, his blue eyes, his body rolling in on his ride into the lot Dixie felt relief roll over her.

She ran to him and straddled his waist in one swell swoop. Dixie stuck her tongue down his throat and squeezed her arms around his neck. Tig smelled like leather, guns, and sweat. She could taste the metallic remnants of blood on his tongue as she greeted him. He gripped her tight and pushed her back on the bike, sucking her lips and making them feel numb from the assault.

"Hi." Dixie managed to get out as they parted for air. Tig grinned and stared at her with wide twinkling eyes.

"Hi, doll."

"Church in the mornin' bro, don't forget." Jax called out from the side to Tig. Dixie looked over and saw him shaking his head at them good naturedly. But, when she caught his eyes he turned serious and mouthed to her "Be good to him". Dixie instinctively wrapped herself around Tig and hugged him tight.

"Let's go home, baby." She insisted, her heart stretching out as Dixie wondered what sort of hard shit he had to go through while he had been away.

"Yea, good idea." Tig agreed. He called out goodbye to his brothers and handed her his spare helmet. He took them home with speed. Tig backed her into her house and barely shut the door before he was lifting off her shirt and overwhelming himself in her. Tig muttered incomprehensible things under his breath as he kissed her, words that she would not have understood if they had been louder because Dixie was too overwhelmed.

"I have missed you so much." She whimpered against his pressing mouth.

"Shut up and let me fuck you." He groaned as his blue eyes rolled back in his head. "Jesus Christ, I've missed you."

They didn't talk at all that night instead they spent the entire night in various positions. He gripped her so tight as if she was going to go away. Things were burning behind his actions so strongly that she could almost taste it when he kissed her. When he was inside of her it was like he was anchoring himself into her to tie her to him permanently. All that Dixie could manage to do with her fogged mind was to cling to him just as hard as he was holding onto her.

As they fell asleep she resolved to ask him what had happened on the run. She wasn't exactly sure how she could do it. Dixie only knew that she had to. If not for her own sanity then for Tig. He deserved to be able to tell her anything that he wanted, he deserved to know that she was okay with that.


	3. Chapter 3

A/N Sorry for the delay, I've been super busy trying to get through midterms!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, nada.

Chapter 3

The feeling of Tig's curly hair tickling her neck woke Dixie up. She curled up against his chest and squeezed her eyes shut willing the moment to last just a little bit longer. Her body felt sore from the previous night activities – which was saying something in her book. Usually Dixie could take what Tig gave her because of the activity she had at work. The night before had been raw and intense. Her shoulders held bite marks and scrapes from his rings.

The knowledge that something was going on with Tig and she didn't know what it was settled onto Dixie's brain. It was far too early to worry about shit but she couldn't get it out of her mind. Dixie rolled out of bed quietly and took a shower. Tig was still asleep when she went back into her room. He looked so peaceful as he slept, like he wasn't going through something at all. But his taste was still in her mouth and it reminded her that she had tasted blood in his mouth the night before.

Dixie fixed coffee and was careful not to wake him. As she sat on the back porch watching the chickens peck at their breakfast she thought about how she could tell Tig what she wanted to say. He was usually several steps ahead of her on things like this. When she wanted to know what they were, he had known. When she was worried that she had to make him choose, he had already chosen. But this was different. He was off his game already – Dixie could feel it.

And Jax had told her to take care of him. Dixie always took care of Tig but having Jax telling meant something heavier. Whatever it was she didn't want to know for the wrong reasons. She just wanted to support Tig, to be that shoulder he needed. He deserved an Old Lady who he could turn to. Dixie sure as hell wasn't innocent. If she went the other way and asked to not be told anything that wouldn't work at all. She was already in the life when she met him. Dixie wasn't some innocent woman he had bumped into at a bar.

Tig eventually woke up when she was refilling her cup. She heard him to into the shower and waited for him. She was cooking the sausage when he snuck up behind her and caged her waist with his arms.

"Morning, doll." He drawled in her ear.

"Good morning." She replied leaning back onto his chest. "Last night was good."

"Yea?" Dixie could hear the smirk in Tig's voice.

"Yea." She replied finishing the sausage and putting the plates together.

They ate in relative silence and Dixie studied her man a little bit closer. He had a tiredness around his eyes that hadn't been there before the trip. It hurt her to see him like this, it was a hard pill to swallow to see him tired. Dixie had always known Tig to be strong. The only time she had seen him vulnerable was when she comforted him about his daughter. And even then he didn't have that…tired resignation in his features.

"Baby," Dixie started but she decided mince words and went with. "What's wrong?"

Tig looked at her and paused his coffee mid-air. He set it down slowly and leaned back in his chair. He looked out the window and she could see the argument in his steel blue eyes. He looked back at her and shook his head.

"Naw, nothing's wrong baby."

"Bullshit." She replied quickly. "Something's wrong, I can feel it. What's bothering you, baby?"

Dixie leaned forward and grabbed his hand and squeezed. Her heart felt like it was in her throat but she refused to let it show. This was about Tig and not about her dumbass fears.

"Shit went down on the run." He answered vaguely. Tig paused for a thick moment and then he pulled her onto his lap. Dixie quickly wrapped her arms around him and stroked his curly head.

"What's weighing you down?" She enquired carefully.

"Shit went down…." He shook his head as his eyes drifted away with heaviness. "Arizona has had some shit go down and Jax had to go down and set shit straight..kind of hard to do since we can't officially get into their business. We're pulling out of drugs and focusing on other ventures and Arizona doesn't like that direction. The President tried to pull them out of it but a couple of the members got…I killed a member defending Jax."

His words cut into her heart. Not because he had killed but because of the trauma it had placed inside of him. Tig loved the Club. He loved his brothers and having to get in between his President and another member...it would be like tearing him in two.

"Oh baby." Dixie breathed, she hugged him tight and kissed his softly. "I'm so sorry."

Tig closed his eyes for a bit and then opened them looking conflicted. "I put my knife through his cut…I've done shit before in the Club but this wasn't something I was prepared for. Shit like that…you gotta prepare for and get your head ready."

And just like that the window of his tired self closed and he was back to being his normal self. Dixie stayed silent for a moment before she continued with what she needed to communicate.

"Tig, you know you can talk to me about shit, right?" She broached carefully.

"Yea, I know baby." He replied casually nodding.

Dixie placed her hand over his cut. "Baby, I mean…I want in. I want you to be able to share shit with me. I want you to let me in."

Tig was silent for a moment and then he looked at her. His eyes were honest and he nodded. " 'kay." He replied simply. Dixie pressed her lips against his firmly and squeezed his neck.

"I love you, baby."

"You too." Tig replied.

And that was that. Dixie and Tig returned to normal and Dixie was an Old Lady that got full disclosure. Such two different paths that could have been taken that defined a woman in SAMCRO so clearly. Dixie didn't know it but it would define her later. Full disclosure was a heavy burden but with it came a certain strength. But that wasn't why she wanted it. She wanted it because of Tig and to be his shoulder and his comfort. He was her protection and her love, Dixie just wanted to be closer to him.


	4. Chapter 4

A/N Sorry for the delay! I'm back and I have a clear, outlined vision for this story. I was struggling a bit, and then I had this thing called midterms, finals, and all that fun stuff that sucked the creativity away from me.

Reviews are great! I love the feedback and the comments!

Disclaimer : I don't own anything. I'm not Sutter I'm just a college girl with a weakness for SAMCRO.

Chapter Four

The smell of Tig's cigarette smoke woke Dixie up from a deep, luxurious sleep one Sunday afternoon. The skin on her back shivered as she rolled over and stretched underneath the tangled sheets of her bed. Tig was propped up against the head of the bed with a beer and a smoke. His blue eyes stared straight ahead until he noticed her awake.

"Been asleep all day. You feelin' alright, doll?" He asked, putting out his smoke.

Dixie yawned, feeling her body ache and buried her head into her pillow. "I don't know, baby." She mumbled.

The night before had been typical, nothing that would have upset her body. She rolled over again on her back and sighed softly. "I don't want to get up."

"Then don't."

"I have to work tonight." Dixie replied groggily. "It's…uh…seventies night. Bobby got extra disco balls from a Anniversary party he worked last week."

"Groovy." Tig drawled, chuckling a little.

Dixie forced herself and crawled over to him, she swung her legs over and straddled him sleepily.

"I gotta go handle something for the Club tonight. Someone owes us money." He informed, gripping her ass and squeezing. "Need anything you talk to Bobby."

She nodded. His blue eyes met hers and he grabbed her neck and pulled her in for a kiss. Tig tasted her mouth and rolled them over, laying on top of her and running his hands down her body possessively.

"You're all mine." He muttered underneath his breath, his words washing into her mind slowly. Dixie nudged closer to him and wrapped her arms and legs around him like a cat trying to reassure him.

"Everyone knows that. The patrons, the girls, and the whole damn town." She assured. "I'm Tig's woman and there isn't anyone who is gonna wanna mess with that. They're too afraid of my baby." She kissed his earlobe and trailed her mouth down his neck.

"Damn straight." He mumbled. Tig rolled off of her quickly and started pulling on clothes. "I'm late. There's coffee in the pot. Don't keep Bobby waiting. It's already four."

Dixie sighed and got up from their bed. As he rushed out of the house, she hopped into the shower. They're lives had settled into a pattern that they both seemed to like. But, each week he seemed less inclined about her job than he had been in the beginning. She wasn't sure what had changed in Tig. She wasn't sure why he was acting like that. They weren't that sort of couple to worry about that stuff. He trusted her, she trusted him. Her job was just money and she liked her job. She liked earning and being in charge of her life. He respected that, or so that's what Dixie thought. But lately, he had been more possessive around the Club and more intense in front of the patrons at work. Tig was always the one in charge. That's the way that Dixie liked it but she wasn't used to how…almost…needy he was about her body being only his.

Maybe this was how Lyla felt with Opie. Dixie didn't like sticking her nose into other people's drama but she had always wondered why Lyla hadn't just given up the life or found another way to earn. Would she give up her dancing for Tig, if that's what he needed to feel secure?

In one moment Dixie thought she could, if she could find another way to earn. And in the other she felt offended that she would have to for him. But he had never asked, and it wasn't that big of a deal to reassure him, and she wasn't going to go cry over milk that hadn't spilt yet.

Later on that night, while she was rubbing off the copious amount of glitter and peeling off her go-go boots he came into her dressing room.

"Hey baby." She greeted him, struggling to kick off her boots. The sweat from dancing had made it impossible for her to get them off.

He knelt down and helped her pull them off. "Thanks, baby."

Tig tossed them aside and waited as she pulled on the rest of her day clothes. He liked watching her get dressed, even taking off of her make-up after a nights work. It was a strange ritual that had perpetuated since before they were really together.

"Why do you like watching me?" She asked curiously.

He shrugged with non-commitment. "You're hot."

She raised her brow at him and struggled to not grin at him. "Really…what's the reason?"

Tig walked over to her and pushed her hair back over her neck. He stroked her fingers down the side of her neck with surprising finesse and squeezed her shoulder. "You're different when you're all dolled up and on stage. It's still you…but when you come back here you take all that off and you become yourself again…or something like that."

"So you like me better when I'm in cutoffs and a t-shirt?" She asked.

"Somethin' like that." He replied backing off a bit. "Get dressed, I wanna get home."

They went home and crashed for the night. It was all insanely routine much like most of their life. Had someone had told her a year ago that she'd be Tig's Old Lady, that they would have this kind of life…she would have never have believed it.

Later that week Dixie was at the market grabbing beer and coffee – the two things that she seemed to always need at her house – when she literally crashed into Gemma and her cart.

"Sorry, Gemma!" She apologized. She helped the other woman pick up the fallen groceries.

"How you doin', sweetheart?" Gemma asked. Her eyes shifted over Dixie with curious ease.

"It's going good." She replied to the older woman.

"Why don't you stop by for coffee sometime? That ol' house is rattling and makin' me nervous." She cocked her head and studied Dixie for a moment before continuing. "You've been makin' Tiggy real happy."

Dixie couldn't help but flush with a bit of pride. That was quite a compliment from the SAMCRO's Queen Regent.

"Yea, that sounds good."

"Friday, ten?" Gemma clarified and Dixie nodded.

That evening when she was at the her work she noticed out of the smoky corner of her eye that Tig and Happy were there watching. She winked at Tig who raised his beer in response. When she went to sashay down onto the floor Dixie was surprised by Bobby. Bobby waved her off the floor and sent in a replacement, a younger girl named Candy. Candy twirled and grinded across the floor while Dixie was escorted to Bobby's office. Dixie bit back the urge to complain about the tips that she was losing. She half wondered if she could be a little more vocal now that she was Old Lady but she wasn't going to test the waters. Not at work, anyway.

"I know you're probably pissed at losing tips tonight." Bobby drawled lighting a cigar. He eased back in his chair and rifled through his drawer. "But I have idea that you might be interested in."

"Is that so?" She said, sitting in the rickety plastic chair in front of his desk. It wobbled and she bit back the urge to glare at him.

Bobby handed her a small stack of papers and a couple of brochures. They were fancy and crisp – a large contrast from the dark and smoky office. The brochure was shiny and labeled clearly "Charming Community College – Accounting".

"Accounting?" She asked curiously. She had no idea what he was getting at. Dixie had been an okay student at best, and she hadn't given it a moment's notice since she was eighteen. Being smart was Tara's thing, even Gemma's probably – but not Dixie's.

"The Club has been looking for more legitimate ways of earning and have voted to establish ourselves in the porn business once again." He started. "I'm going to be taking on more responsibility with the new Cara-Cara." He took a puff of his cigar and looked at her with a friendly twinkle in his eye. "I figure you're good with the girls, you know more about the stripping business than the Club does – got more of a….level head for it - , and I had Rat pull up you're High School Transcript. You take the Accounting Program at Charming Community and be done by the time the new Cara-Cara is set up and filming. Then you can get off the stage and run this end of the business for SAMCRO."

Blank.

Dixie stared at him blankly for a long moment and looked blankly down at the papers and the brochures in her hand. Accounting? On top of the papers was a application for Financial Aid. Dixie felt her face flush, uncharacteristically, and she didn't mind at all. Dixie felt a small amount of deadly fear rumble through her mind and forced it down. Whatever this was, this was shining and brilliant and a opportunity.

An opportunity. Dixie didn't see those very often. For the most part opportunities for her, came extremely organic and naturally, so much so that she usually didn't understand what had happened until after the fact. But this opportunity was staring straight at her.

"I…I'd love to. I..mean…I'd love to try. I was never much good at school." She confessed slowly. She looked up at Bobby who still had that friendly twinkle in his eyes.

"Well…" He bobbed his head slightly. "You'll do fine. Saw your transcripts and you're a sensible girl. Just give it a try. If you find you don't have a head for numbers then we'll work something else out."

Dixie couldn't stop herself from smiling brightly.

When she went to bed that night, wrapped up around Tig's snoring body, she realized that a weight had been lifted off her mind. There was always a ticking clock in the back of mind. The only person she could truly rely on for a income was herself. There was no guarantee that relationships would last or that Tig wouldn't get arrested. Just a few years ago more than half the Club had been incarcerated. And her line of work had a expiration date stamped on her back, with age came less tips, and eventually retirement. Then what could she do? Many girls found a way out but Dixie had never had a solid chance to figure her contingency plan out until now. This was real, this was something that she could hope for, work for…Dixie wouldn't have to build herself so strong now. She wouldn't have to build up walls so she wouldn't crash into the abyss that swallowed many of the other women that had walked the same path before her.

But, with the tide of good things always came something else. A new challenge, or a new hardship. That knowledge was imbedded in her mind just as much as the weight had been. Dixie prayed quietly as she slowly fell asleep that it would wait a long time until it happened. Because, she just wanted to stay in the moments she was in right now. Happy, in love, and hopeful.


	5. Chapter 5

A/N Thank you for the lovely reviews. Keep them coming!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, I'm not FX or Sutter!

Chapter 5

Dixie sat at Gemma's impossibly long table sipping bitter, strong coffee sweetened with sugar, and listened to her talk about the furniture she had found to replace the Clubhouse's newly broken ones. There was no use to buy new furniture; it would just end up ruined in a week. She nodded along and rubbed her temple. She had a headache, and had had one almost all week. No amount of tylonel or coffee seemed get rid of it.

"How's your head?" Gemma asked with a furrowed brow. "Tiggy mentioned that you weren't feeling too good. You aren't pregnant are you?"

Dixie's widened and she shook her head quickly. "No…no! I'm not." She sighed and shook her head. "Things are looking up for me, there's no way I'm gonna get knocked up now. Tig would kill me."

"These things sneak up on you, you know." Gemma commented leaning back in her chair and giving Dixie a smirk.

"Well, this is just a headache. No babies on the way here." Dixie said with relief.

What would she do if she got pregnant? Dixie immediately thought of her new classes and her future job. Another benefit of her new opportunity was…just in case…that did happen she wouldn't have to worry about her job. Dixie rubbed her temple and sipped her coffee.

Before Gemma could push the subject they were interrupted by a prospect hurrying into the house. It was Chip and to Dixie's amusement he was still wearing a cross but added to his appearance was a knife that mimicked Jax's on his waist. He looked a little taller and broader, if that was possible in the short time since she had given him coffee at her house.

"Sorry to interrupt, ladies but Jax wants to see you two. Some of the guys were arrested…"His eyes trailed over to Dixie and her heart clenched violently.

"Aww shit." She cursed slamming down her coffee cup. He didn't have to say, she knew.

"Tiggy?" Gemma clarified for them.

"Yea, and Juice and Opie."

"Shit….Just what this family needs right now." Gemma spat out.

Dixie sat glued to her chair, clutching her coffee cup, her head pounding and her heart frozen inside of her flesh. "Oh shit."

"What's the charge?"

"Assault and battery for all three. Arson charges on top for Tig."

"Shit." Dixie sounded out; she ran her hand through her hair and stood up.

Gemma came over to her and wrapped an arm around her. "It'll be alright baby; we'll get the lawyers on it and get our boys back."

Dixie nodded numbly and followed Gemma's lead. She waited until her heart was settled before she spoke again. Her tongue felt numb as she quietly questioned Gemma on how this could play out for them.

"I don't know baby, we'll just have to see." Was Gemma's experienced reply.

She sighed and sat quietly, her mind raging against her, as Gemma drove them to the Clubhouse. Jax and the other boys were gathered around with frustration mounting between them. Dixie took a deep breath and steadied herself before marching out Gemma's car and following her to the guys.

Her head pounded and raged against her as Jax and the boys escorted her and Gemma into the deserted clubhouse and told them what had happened. While initiating a retaliation against another porn studio that had gotten violent with some of the girls, Tig, Opie, and Juice had gotten caught by a security guard. They had been able to destroy the security footage so the lawyers said that they could probably drop the assault charges. But the arson….the studio and burned to the ground (destroying the security footage) but a gasoline tank had been abandoned when the security guard had chased them and Tig's finger prints had been found on the cap. Apparently it had been hard to open or something and required him to take off his gloves because Juice couldn't open it. Opie was bloodying up the studio producer at the time.

Tig was looking at a misdemeanor at best, a felony charge at worst.

Dixie felt like her heart had been ripped out of her chest and she forced her brain to stop pounding, her heart to stop freezing, and her mind to clear up just so she could talk.

"What can I do, Jax?" She asked the frustrated President.

Gemma rubbed her back supportively.

"We're bailing them out, so don't worry about that. You can just be there for Tig, darlin'." Jax explained. "He's gonna need you through this. You've been real good for him."

Dixie saw the other guys nod in agreement. "Don't worry Lass, he'll be home before ya know it." Chibs sounded reassuringly.

But she couldn't shake the feeling that they were trying to be kind to her and hiding their true feelings about the situation from her. Dixie stayed at the Clubhouse with Gemma and the Prospect while the Club met with the lawyers and to bail out their brothers.

"You look like shit. Go lay down in dorm." Gemma instructed maternally. She ushered Dixie to the dorm room with a glass of water. Dixie curled up in a ball after drinking the water and tried to settle down. Her head raged against her violently until she fell asleep into a dreamless sleep.

Dixie didn't sleep long, the sound of the Club rolling in woke her up a hour later. She rolled out of bed and rushed out to greet them. But as they filed into the clubhouse she saw Juice and she saw Opie but she didn't see Tig.

"Where's Tig?"

"The judge denied bail, he's apparently a flight risk…the others made bail. They're hearing is in a couple of weeks." Jax explained. "Tig's is in a month. At best he's looking at three months inside."

"What's the worst?" Dixie demanded.

He looked away and then back at her and said quietly. "Five to seven years."

Dixie closed her eyes and swallowed. "Jesus Christ."

"Hey it won't come to that, Dixie-girl." Bobby chimed in. "Why don't you take the night off and in the morning I'll take ya to the jail to see Tig."

"Yea…thanks Bobby." She said quietly.

"Take her home." Chibs told a Prospect.

When Dixie got home she crawled into bed and fell head-first into sleep. Her body was exhausted already, but this, this…seemed to drain her of all of her energy. It was late..or early morning, when she woke and realized that Tig wasn't there next to her. Usually she was curled up around him or his curls were buried deep into her neck.

But she was alone. And where Tig was she wasn't really sure. She didn't know if he was awake or sleeping or what he was thinking. She prayed that he was okay and that this would all blow over. Three months was awful but fine…she could manage. It'd be like he was on a very extended run for the Club as long as he stayed out of trouble when he was on the inside. And Dixie knew as long as the Club didn't ask him for any favors that she could push and pull him to keeping straight inside. But seven years might just break her heart all over again. Seven years of nearly being a widowed Old Lady, visiting him behind bars, never knowing if he was going to make it out in one piece or not. She wasn't sure her heart could take another beating.

Dixie always underestimated herself. With her drinking, her standing with the Club, and with Tig. She wondered if this was the same. And just like she prayed for Tig's safety she prayed for her own. She wasn't much for prayer. But there were times that it just seemed like the thing to do.


	6. Chapter 6

A/N Sorry, again for the delay. Life's a bitch sometime, lol. Also, I'm not sure how visits to a jail go. The last time I visited somebody in jail, I was like five. I barely remember it.

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, never have.

Chapter 6

Dixie wasn't sure what to wear to visit Tig in jail. It was the day after she had found out that Tig was inside. Her head felt heavy, she felt weak, and yet a solid resolve settled over her skin. There wasn't a part of her that screamed or even whispered that she had to leave. There was no part of her that told her that she couldn't do it. Dixie was tired, she was worried, and she above all was lonely without Tig. One night was hell, she could barely think what it would be like to go months without him.

But there was no part of her that told her that she couldn't. That she wouldn't be able to make it through. She just knew, she just knew that she would. Before Tig, her life had been simple and basic. After Tig she found that it was brighter, and stronger than she could have ever had thought it could be. Dixie never let herself feel empty, not any more, she violently hated feeling empty. Instead she had developed, over time, a strong steely instinct to pull herself together and count her damn blessings. And in a comforting way even though she was losing her man to jail, even though she was drained of her energy, and she wasn't sure where the road was taking her – Dixie had that ever-comforting steely resolve to get through. She was grateful for that.

If only she had a damn clue what to wear?

Dixie settled on a pair of dark washed jeans, that weren't too tired, and a plain white v-neck with a black inked rose designed splattered across the chest. She wasn't sure if that was what you were supposed to wear? Was it solid colors? Before she could go change she heard the rumble of a motorcycle pull up her driveway. Bobby waved at her solemnly from his rusty ride, behind him was Jax Teller.

"We're gonna need to go in first," Jax explained to her. "Then you can see him. Bobby'll stay with ya and show ya how it's done."

She nodded quietly and got on the back of Bobby's ride.

Tig had been transferred quickly to the County Jail, and it was a grey soul-sucking looking building with high wire fences and security measures everywhere. The two men escorted her inside and she could tell they were going slower for her. Taking their time so she could learn how to go through the security measures, figuring out how to get past the guards, who to ask about visits, and all that. But as soon as they were past they left her at a bench and quickly disappeared behind the visitors door leaving her to wait for about a half an hour. Dixie didn't mind but the sounds of the other inmates were bothering her. The security guards were solemn, the walls were grey and lifeless, and the inmates that she saw were either wild-eyed or dead-eyed. Dixie knew that this wasn't 'Tig's first time, but she still felt a cold deep fear swell up inside of her.

Logic told her that this was just country, that they were lucky he wasn't put somewhere else. She just wanted to see Tig. Dammit. How long were they going to take? But, as soon as she thought that Jax and Bobby exited from the visitors door.

She stood up immediately and felt her head rush a little. Jax grabbed her arm and steadied her with concern. Dixie saw him and Bobby exchange worried glances and a nugget of truth planted in her mind. Something was wrong with her, she knew that. She was probably just too worried, that's what Dixie told herself. But everyone else was starting to notice and that was a problem. She couldn't have Tig thinking she wasn't well while he was inside. Tig's head needed to be focused on his trial, on getting out and back home to the Club and her.

"I'm alright." Dixie assured them. "How's he doing?"

"He's doin' alright," Jax explained. "He's looking forward to seein' ya. Hang in there."

Bobby pointed her in the direction of the door and she steadied herself before walking calmly through the doors. In a quiet but brightly lit room with excrutiatingly bland white wall and metal..well..everything…was her Tig all in orange. The corner of his eye was busted and his curly hair was ruffled and crazy. But his blue eyes were the same.

"Hey baby," She said steadily, her mind finally at peace with the pressure and stress that had developed over-night. Just seeing him push all that shit away from her shoulders and Dixie felt that it was okay, that it was definitely going to be okay.

"Hey doll." He said, a quiet but genuine grin on his face. "I'd get up but I'm all chained to this desk."

"Can I touch you?" Dixie murmured to him as she sat down on the other side of the table.

He shrugged, the smile lifting away from his face and seriousness settling on his features. "Yea, hands only."

She grasped his hands quickly and squeezed them tightly.

He leaned back but kept his hands with her.

"The boys said they filled you in." Tig said.

Dixie nodded quietly. "Yea, they did."

Dixie leaned forward and gripped his hands tightly. She held her head straight and looked him in the eyes. The words were solid and full of meaning as they left her mouth. "I'm here, Tig. Wherever this goes…I'm not cutting out."

He shifted his eyes down and he leaned closer to her. Their eyes met and he nodded silently. "Yea, I know baby."

"Good." She replied.

They sat together, holding each others hand in perfect, complete silence.

Tig broke the silence by asking her how she was feeling.

"I'm fine." She brushed it off with a smile. "Just the heat, I guess."

"You should get the Doc to look at you….you're not pregnant are ya?" He asked the question slowly, carefully.

Dixie shook her head. "I'm definitely not pregnant, Tig."

He nodded. "I believe ya."

A few minutes later a guard tapped them on the shoulder and told them to wrap it up.

"Do you need anything?" She asked quickly.

"Naw, the guys will take care of me, babe. Just come visit. I'll call when I can so keep your phone on. Listen to Bobby at work. He said he'll make sure you get home alright after work."

"Okay, I will. I promise, baby." Dixie replied. Her voice was strong but inside she felt raw and scared.

"I love you." He said before the guard led him away. Tig turned and looked over his shoulder at her. "Love you baby."

"I love you too." She called back.

And then he was gone and the security guard was pointing to the door. She walked out and followed Bobby silently out of the prison. He took her home and she curled up on the couch with a cup of coffee and thought pensively about the visit.

The moment he was out of her sight she felt numb, and raw. Like she was going to go down a long and terrible hill and there was no one to catch her at the end. There was something so inevitable about the feeling that she wanted to just curl up and not get back up until it was over. But life would move on without her and she didn't want that to happen. Above all else she wanted to be there, constant and strong for Tig. That's something she could do and that was what she was going to do.


	7. Chapter 7

A/N So how long has it been? I can't believe it! Well, in my defense this chapter and the next part of Dixie's story required a lot of research. I wanted to get it right as much as possible. Reviews are lovely, and if anyone has any feedback or advice about the following story line, please feel free to let me know. You'll know what I mean when you read what's below.

I own nothing. Kudos to FX and Sutter. Per usual :) . Just Dixie, Maggie, and the chickens.

Chapter Seven

How did she get here?

Staring straight blankly still, as she waited, knowing what it was but praying that it wasn't that bad. She couldn't think about it but she knew it. Dixie refused to cry, refused to think about what this could mean for her, instead...she sat in the chair and waited.

Dixie instead chose to think about the chickens in the back of her yard. And Maggie's new and current theory about the stars aligning and the moon being in some astral coordination with something or other that meant that changes were coming. Changes. What kind of changes, Dixie wanted to fucking know. Life wasn't...

...shit really happened when it happened.

Tig had been in for a month and a half. Two weeks after his arrest he was sentenced for four months. It had been originally half a year, apparently the judge did not take kindly to his past record as he was a repeat offender, and the lawyers were able to get it remanded down to four months if he behaved. Dixie prayed that he would behave.

She was focusing on him, being there for him while he was away. Dixie really didn't give a shit about her stress level or anything. She had been under the weather before. It wasn't the first time she had put herself through too much. Whether it be working or partying or whatever, her body just sometimes sounded a few alarms and after she took a break and got some rest it went away. It was just the bodies way of complaining about shitty life. That's what she always figured. But, after fainting twice she had finally faced the reality that she needed go in to the doctor. She had put it off because she had shit government for poor women insurance and she didn't want to cause any alarm. The verdict had been originally anemia. Something they said she had most likely had trouble with earlier in life. It made sense to her since they said it could come out during phases of stress. But when they looked at the form she had filled out they started asking questions about her last breast check, how long had she been having discharge like that? Dixie wasn't uneducated, she probably figured she caught something at the Clubhouse. She hadn't even figured it was a thing but they had said that it was important to put everything down and it had been on the form to check off if she had had it...it wasn't even gross discharge. Just a little, nothing that ruined a top and never interfered with how she worked or how Tig enjoyed her...

Tig.

She tried not to think about him. She went to see him every chance she got and wrote him, even though she wasn't much of a writer. He wrote back but it was short and not very romantic. They weren't too terribly romantic of a couple. She talked about work, the latest stupid thing the Prospects had done, innocent every-day-shit that kept his tied to them, to their world outside of the prison walls. She hadn't told him that she had even seen the doctor, she had told him after they had given her the anemic verdict that she had anemia, that the Doc had given her pills, and that Maggie was forcing all sorts of organic food down her throat. Which was true. Dixie hadn't told anyone that they had insisted that she go in for testing, that there was a lump, that they were testing to see what it was, how far it could be. Not Maggie, not Bobby, or a soul.

Her excuse was that she didn't want it getting back to Tig without being able to give him answers, a plan of attack, an explanation for everything. Maybe she just needed to know what it was before she started speaking it out loud to her world.

It didn't matter yet, she was in the pristine waiting room for the frosted-haired nurse to tell her it was time to talk to Doctor about the final tests they had done to determine how bad it was. God, she wasn't even thirty. Did this shit really happen? Was it her fault? The drinking, the sex, the partying? The traveling, the dancing, the living life on the whim for all that time. Did she do this to herself? She hadn't known, Dixie really hadn't known that the small amount of discharge and possibly the anemia was a sign of...cancer? Really. Breast Cancer.

She thought it.

She couldn't speak it.

Dixie had mother fucking cancer in her fucking left breast. Also her lymph nodes. Dixie hadn't even known what a lymph node was let alone that it existed inside of her or could get fucking _cancer_.

Her old man was doing time. She had breast cancer in some form. And she wanted to scream, rage boiling inside of her except she was in the damn mother fucking waiting room and she really didn't want the Club or anyone to find out that she had cancer because they had to pick her up after she got arrested for disturbing the peace or something in a hospital cancer clinic. That shit would never work out.

Dixie flipped through a magazine and ignored the weepy eyes of a bald patient in front of her. She wasn't going to weep, she wasn't going to throw a tantrum...that was her mantra.

_No tears. No tantrum. No tears. No tantrum._

_ No -_

"Dixie -?"

"That's me." Dixie stood up in a shot and strode over to the frosted-haired nurse quickly. She wasn't in Charming so there was no fear of someone seeing her crow tattoo and whispering, or anyone recognizing her. She had to go into Sacramento to get tested thanks to her special medical insurance situation.

"Come right this way, honey."

The Nurse did the usual, took her weight and blood pressure and temperature. She was told she could keep her clothes on. It wasn't a take-your-clothes-off appointment. The nurse looked at her sympathetically when she asked if someone was coming with her and was shortly told no. Dixie had chose to do this alone. Once she told one person back in Charming...it'd spread all over and she needed to get a handle on it before...

Dixie didn't want to think about it.

She missed Tig.

Forty five minutes later a somber-faced female doctor came in. She had speckled glasses and short hair and was looking at Dixie's chart.

Dixie had gone through two mammograms, a semi-surgical procedure that involved a needle and her left breast, and a month's worth of waiting and holding onto a secret that was burning her from the inside. Hiding it from Tig, hiding it from Maggie, from the Club had made her feel crummy even though she knew it was the right thing to do for herself. She needed to know what to do, how to deal with it before she started the share-fest.

"So what's the prognosis, Doc?" Dixie asked, gazing at the Doctor square on.

Doctor Reed, the woman who had been overseeing her case since she came in for the biopsy, sat on the chair and smiled at her. "Well, Dixie. I see here that you have a mammogram, a sonogram, and we've received the biopsy results as of yesterday. How are you feeling, I understand that you must be feeling overwhelmed an-"

"Doc, no offense but please just get to it. I came in because I was fainting on the pole, wrote down about some random nipple discharge, a lump was found in my left tit, and now I'm sitting in front of you waiting for the info on how bad it is after being squeezed, jabbed, and groped for the past month. So...please, just info away, Doc."

She blinked a couple of times before giving her a rueful smile. She nodded, and looked at Dixie straight in the eyes before stating in a clear, calm voice. "Dixie, you have Breast Cancer. We have found a roughly three centimeter tumor in the deep tissue of your left breast along with evidence of the cancer in your Lymph Nodes. It is my opinion that this is categorized as Stage Two B Breast Cancer." Doctor Reed paused for a moment as she let her words sink into the quickly diminishing air in the room.

Dixie already knew she had breast cancer she just didn't know how far it was and the words the Doc was saying were mush to her. What did stage two mean? Did stage two mean bad or good? How many stages were there? She had read a little but the brochures had been so damn scary and she didn't really want to get caught reading them.

"What does that mean?"

"It means we have work to do. It means you'll need chemotherapy, surgery, and radiation. It means it will be a fight but there are worst advanced forms to have. It means you're young, you're strong, and you can fight this. It's going to take time, all of your energy, and every support that you have." She was told. The Doctor continued in educating her on what kind of cancer that she had, shared things about hormones and types and how far along she was. She talked about different kinds of chemotherapy and covered what Dixie assumed to be the general rundown on Dixie's brand of cancer.

The Doctor was giving it to her straight and Dixie was fucking relieved and grateful but she felt at the same time like she was hammering down on the final nail of her cancer coffin.

It was all becoming so crushingly _real_.

For a month she had been dealing with Tig's case, trying to forge her life without him by her side. The Club had been amazing, her position still stood – she knew it would. She didn't have any confusion about that. She didn't really go to the Clubhouse that often. It just wasn't the same and she was too tired after working to go. Then she fainted once, then twice. The first time it had at home. She had come home to the sounds of Maggie and some foreign Son inside of Maggie's room. She had come to on the carpeted floor of their sitting room, a few feet away. She must've walked over and then fainted. She told herself she needed to eat more meat, more vegetables from Maggie's garden. A little less coffee and a little more sleep. That it was the stress from all the changes and Tig going away. But it wasn't.

The second time had been on stage. Bobby had taken her home and called Tara who immediately came over and examined her. She had had a nasty cut on her forehead from the fall that needed taped up. Tara had insisted she go to the Doctor which led Dixie to Lodi which lead her to Sacramento for testing. When she came back from Lodi she had told everyone about the anemic prognosis. Dixie chose to keep the testing scheduled for her to herself. When the mammogram came back as positive, that there was a lump, they immediately got her in for more testing.

Apparently breast cancer in young women was statistically more aggressive than in older women.

Lucky her.

But as she listened to the Doctor in front of her she realized that she was also young and she was strong (despite her fainting ways). She had friends and someone she loved and who loved her back. She had a place in this world.

A girl could have less going into battle.

So she listened to the Doctor tell her to go to Charming and that there was a cancer specialist there that could help her. She listened to the suggested form of treatment and said that the specialist there would confer but their offices would coordinate an appointment as soon as possible. The Doctor was on the ball and Dixie was grateful. She waited as they called the hospital in Charming and coordinated an appointment for the following week. Tuesday, ten o'clock. She was told she should bring someone along.

Dixie left Sacramento, driving the hour or so it took to get back into Charming. She had to work tomorrow night so she had the night free. She wondered how she was going to tell anyone, how she was going to tell Tig.

"Tig, I know you're in prison and you're not getting out for another few months so this might be hard for you to hear but...I have stage two breast cancer in my left boob. Also in something called my lymph nodes. I'm not sure what the hell that is but I have brochures." She said out loud. She groaned and hit her palm against her steering wheel.

It just sounded awful.

Because it was.

The sound of the chickens clucking soothed Dixie as she curled up on the back porch and watched them peck at each other, at their food. The Doctor said that she would need to stay away from anything that could be carriers for diseases, anything extra that she could cut out of her life would be best. She hadn't asked if the chickens were a health risk. Once she started chemotherapy her body would be all sorts of frail and sick and she had to be 'diligent'.

Dixie really didn't feel diligent about any of this.

She sipped her coffee and groaned.

What if she couldn't have coffee?

_She could have weed. _

Thank God for small miracles, right?

"Hello, hello." Maggie's soft voice echoed as the back door slammed shut. "Where have you been?"

Maggie curled up next to her on their swing and stole a sip of her coffee. Dixie felt a faint smile etch on her face. Before she could think about it, before she could process the words coming out of her mouth she said it.

"I was at a cancer specialists in Sacramento."

Maggie was probably the most dreamy, most happy-orientated person she had ever known. She wasn't very good at being sad for too long. It wasn't that she was oblivious and it wasn't that she was stupid it was just that she just walked on a different field that everyone else. Outside of their part of the world, in the mainstreamed society, she wouldn't be able to make it. But she wasn't breakable. She just needed to be around people who let her be the way she was. That's what the Club, their world gave her. Maggie was a good girl. Just different. And she was an even better friend.

"Mags – I wasn't just anemic. They found cancer in my left tit and in a thing called my lymph nodes." She explained further.

Maggie's eyes widened, filled with tears, and her lower lip trembled. But she didn't cry. Instead Dixie found herself being hugged so tight it almost hurt. Warmth filled her and Dixie fought her own traitorous tears.

"Oh Dixie." Maggie whispered quietly. "I'm so sorry."

"I'll...they said I'll be okay...I mean. I'm all young and strong and the Doc seemed confident that I can beat this. But I have to go in and see another specialist and get it a treatment planned all lined up next week. At Tara's hospital. The Doc in Sacramento said I would need Chemo, surgery, and a round of radiation. The whole cancer fighting shebang, I guess." Dixie continued, her voice sounding distant to her ears. It was like she was saying it but hearing it from someone else's point of view. She took a deep, shaky breath and squeezed Maggie's shoulders. "I'll be okay and you're the first person I've told. So if you can keep it to yourself, I'd appreciate it."

Maggie withdrew, her eyes even wider. "But..I can't keep a secret from the Club. Dixie," Her voice lowered softer. "You're not just a girl anymore. You're an Old Lady and you're Tig's Old Lady. The Club won't like it it's kept from them that you have..." Maggie faltered for a moment before going on. "that you have cancer."

"I know." Dixie assured. "I just need to get my ducks in a huddle before I start -"

"Dixie, we're your family. The Club is your family. You need to let your family help you. Tig would want you to tell his brothers and let them help you." Maggie said in a voice wiser than Dixie had ever given her credit for. She kissed Dixie on the cheek and hugged her again. "I can go with you, if you want."

"I...um...I should probably tell Bobby. He's my boss after all."

"If he has your way, when you're better, you might be boss." Maggie said, her voice full of hope-filled confidence that Dixie severely lacked at that moment.

"I guess so."

Maggie released her and told her they could stay in for the night if Maggie wanted.

"If...if I see a member I'm going to have a hard time not saying something. So let's just stay in for the night and you can rest." Maggie insisted. "We can watch movies and I have some googling to do. I'm sure there are vegetables I could be growing or something that can help you beat this."

Dixie was suddenly overwhelmed with the suspicion that Maggie was going straight to her Tarot cards and her Astrology chart stuff.

"Yea. Let's just stay in tonight. Tomorrow I'll tell the Club." She consented, following her friend into the house.

The chickens clucked in approval of their plan. Or maybe familial support of her impending battle. They were very vocal of their every emotions, so it was hard to tell. At least, that was what Maggie told her all the time.


	8. Chapter 8

A/N Thank you for the reviews and continued support. I love you all. Keep it up, I appreciate the wonderful feedback. :)

I don't own anything, nada, zilch. Except for Dixie, Maggie, and the chickens. Lol.

Chapter Eight

Telling Bobby was most likely the easiest part of the whole thing next to telling Maggie. That's what Dixie told herself. And it was for the most part true.

The next morning, after Maggie fussed over her the night before, Dixie decided to face it head on. This was easy part, telling people was just the beginning, and when she looked back on it...it was going to look like a piece of cake compared to the other things she would have to go through. For some reason that reasoning didn't help her much but it was all that she had so Dixie just went with it. She'd count the cards when they landed - not before.

She walked into the Clubhouse for the first time in weeks. It was early still but Bobby had said he'd be there bright and early. And she could see why. Maggie had missed a blow out the night before. Dixie wondered painfully if she missed a mini-celebration of some sort. She also felt out of place for the first time. Walking into an aftermath was a whole lot different than walking into it. It was something she had done before but...it felt this different this time. Maybe it was because she was wearing jeans, flats, and a long sleeved comfortable shirt. It was cold out or maybe she was just cold because of...well..._ it__._ Either way – Dixie had the sick card. If that meant anything – that meant she had a free pass on whatever the hell she wanted to wear.

Bobby ambled out, his hair and beard wet but fully dressed, of the back. She walked over to the kitchen and started making coffee out of pure habit.

"Mornin' darlin'. Good to see you up this early." Bobby greeted in a croaky voice. He slid onto the bar and she poked her head out of the kitchen.

"I'm putting coffee on," She said quietly, seeing a couple of sleeping members passed out on the sofa.

He nodded at her, waving his hand faintly.

Dixie poured them cups and prepared the words she had to say in her head. It wasn't like with Maggie. It wasn't just going to slip out. It needed...it needed to be said. Dixie just wasn't sure about how to say it.

She peaked out of the kitchen to see who was asleep in the corner. It was Chip, underneath a red-head. Dixie felt a smile tug on her lips. It seems he had fallen right in with them. She was glad that it looked like he wasn't having any trouble falling in with the rest of them. The other was Chibs, with this arms around a chesty blonde. She hoped that she could tell Bobby what she needed to tell him and then be able to work from there.

Dixie brought out their coffee and slid onto the stool next to him. He took a long drag and shook his groggy head.

"No one makes a cup of coffee like you, Dixie-girl."

Dixie took a long sip for courage.

Bobby set down his cup and leaned back a bit. "So what's this about? You're not usually a morning person and you certainly don't call one of us up out of the blue. Club's been a little worried about you with Tig being inside and your fainting and all -" He paused for a moment, reading her face, and then shook his head. "How far along are you?"

Dixie blinked for a moment and then shook her head quickly. "No-no...I'm not pregnant."

Bobby frowned but apologized. "I just figured that'd be the reason you'd ask to see me. Stripping while pregnant is kinda dangerous for the fetus."

That was probably true and it was still a valid explanation for Dixie summoned every single ounce of courage she had in her and formed the words carefully. "When I came back from the doctors and said that I was anemic I wasn't lying. I was anemic but..but...the doctors...wanted me to go in for testing. I didn't want to say anything until I knew for certain."

Bobby abandoned his cup of coffee and looked at her startled. "What kind of testing, Dixie?" She could literally see his mind whirring the possibilities, the effects that this had on Tig.

"They found a lump in my breast, Bobby. And...they did some tests and it's Breast Cancer...Stage Two B Breast Cancer."

Bobby's face paled and he shook his head in disbelief. "But...but you're just a kid, Dixie. You're not even thirty."

"It happens to twenty-somethings too. They were quick about getting me tested...Breast Cancer is apparently statistically more aggressive in my age group."

"Does Tig know?" Bobby asked quickly.

Dixie shook her head with guilt. "No. I wanted to know what I was dealing with before I said anything. I don't want him to know until I can tell him what they want to do about it. I'm going to St. Thomas next week to meet the Doctor whose going to oversee my treatment. I've been getting my testing done in the hospital in Sacramento. But they thought it'd be better if I did my treatment locally."

"So you...you don't know what kind of treatment yet?"

"Chemo first most likely. And then surgery to remove what's left. And then a round of radiation." Dixie shared. It was like a weight had lifted off her chest and her abdomen. She breathed deeply, letting the feeling sink into her, and quietly explained everything she knew to Bobby. She didn't want any secrets from anyone.

"Jesus, Dixie." Bobby said heavily, looking down at his coffee shaking his head. "This is some messed up shit."

"Tell me about it."

He looked back up at her. "I'll let the Club know and I'm sure I'm speaking on a Club level when I say that we are all here for you, whatever you need you let us know. And don't you worry about Tig. We're taking care of him while he's inside. He's going to come back to you whole. It's just your job to see that you're in one piece when he comes back."

Dixie nodded. "Thank you, Bobby."

They finished their coffee and she went back to her house before the Club started to stir. She knew by the end of the day that everyone would know. After telling Bobby and Maggie she felt an enormous relief. A month was all that she could stand to keep it a secret. She didn't want to do this alone. She just...

Dixie wasn't sure what she felt except that she felt scared and wanted Tig and didn't want to have to do this alone. But...how would he feel? Coming back to a bald, sick Old Lady where he had a young, healthy Old Lady before? Everything would be different, she would be different when he got out. Were they strong enough to handle this? He loved her and she loved him and she'd love him through anything.

She'd love him through decades inside and through cancer and through anything. She missed him, she missed the way he was always ten steps ahead of her. She missed the way it felt to wrap her arms around him. To ride behind him on his bike. She missed the way the way his blue eyes twinkled when he looked at her. She missed how safe she felt when he was around. There was a piece of her in that prison with him. A piece of her that she missed, that she needed.

The one thing she knew about him was that he was always ahead of her. Maybe it was the age difference or just the way they were together. She felt stronger when he was around and she hadn't realized that until now. The unknown of what she was facing, what was coming at her, was brutal. She didn't know what was going to happen, she didn't even know what this really, truly meant for her. Her entire life she had been going with the flow, taking it as it came, trying not to force things. She wasn't really used to fighting for something. Dixie could hold her own and she worked hard but she had never had to literally fight for something so hard like she knew she was going to have to fight this.

It was going to be a fist fight, a brawl inside of her body, and she had to get strong. Emotionally and physically prepared to do this. It was coming and there was nothing that she could do to stop it. She couldn't pack up and leave, she couldn't hide in the Clubhouse, she couldn't smother it with partying. She had to face it, she had to deal with it, and she had to face the daunting, aching possibility nothing would be the same no matter what happened.

She just...

Dixie didn't want to lose the life she had just found herself in. She hadn't had any time with Tig, she was just learning the ropes and the boundaries of her new role in her family. She was still so damn young for this shit.

XXXXXX

"We need another freezer." Maggie announced.

Dixie looked up from her sprawled, lazy position on her bed and groaned. "I can't look at another casserole. Don't get me wrong...I love the support but -"

"We're going to die of casserole OD before you even hit Chemo." Maggie finished for her, flopping next to her and picking up a magazine.

Dixie was flipping through magazines languishing and trying to avoid people. Bobby had told the Club and then the calls had started coming, the girls found out, Gemma found out, Tara found out. And that's when the casseroles started coming in. It wasn't just casseroles – it was cards, flowers, household items, gift cards, promises of support, cards for support groups, stories about mother's dying/surviving breast cancer. It was their entire world converging on her and it was amazing and warming.

And incredibly overwhelming.

And they needed another freezer.

"Maybe we can talk to Candy. She has a big freezer." She commented, thinking about the woman who lived on the corner. She had a huge freezer that she her ex-husband had used for his hunting meat. Candy had kept it out of revenge and rarely used it.

"I'll walk down and ask later." Maggie said helpfully. She rolled over on her stomach, her light strawberry blonde hair wrapped up in a scarf, and her body in comfortable cut offs and a bikini top. "I also talked to Mimi Sanchez and she said that she has extra space out by her Aunt's place."

Dixie turned and frowned. "You're selling the chickens?"

"No, just getting a business partner. She has some cash saved up and I've been looking into more farmer markets."

"You don't have to move them on the account of me. I can ask on Tuesday -"

"It's okay, Dixie. Beside, I was hoping to use the space by the coop to expand my garden. I was looking online for diet and nutrition advice for cancer patients. Veggies and fruits are an absolute must so I'm going to expand my vegetable garden. Nutrition is important before, during, and after treatment."

Dixie nodded knowing that she would soon not be worried about casseroles and soon be worried about the amount of vegetables and fruits and organic, vegetarian concoctions that Maggie put in front of her. Dixie was so lucky to have her. She hadn't ever had a real friend like Maggie before, at least not in Charming. Even with the changes in Dixie's life her friendship and status with Maggie had stayed the same behind the doors of their house. It was different when they were out with the Club, Maggie was a smart girl. She was laid back about the changes and went with the flow with an organic grace that most could aspire to but never get. Dixie was pretty sure that Maggie was here doing what she was doing because she really believed in the Club, loved her biker family. She could be a really sweet, loyal Old Lady except she probably wouldn't ever be unless the Club grew ranks and someone patched in who was looking for something serious. She hoped that if the time ever came that Maggie drifted out of their world she'd be able to keep her.

"Gemma wants to drive me to see Tig on Saturday." She said quietly, looking up at the ceiling.

"He'll be upset." Maggie stated but then she grasped Dixie's hand and squeezed. "But he's crazy about you and it'll be okay."

She turned her head and looked at her best friend. "Are you sure? I'm going to lose my hair and be all sick and they'll have to take a chunk out of my tits – and he loves my tits. I mean – he really, really loves my tits."

"Do you remember last year when he found that dog on the side of the road? She was so broken up that I was pretty sure that she wasn't going to make it. But Tig nursed her back to health, he saw her behind all the wounds and the broken bits." Maggie leaned forward and whispered in her ear. "I'll deny it if you ever repeat me but Tig is a very nice person inside."

Dixie fought a chuckle and hugged her friend.

And knew that she was right. Tig was so much more than he appeared and she of all people should remember that.

The doorbell rang for the fifth time that afternoon.

"Oh my God." She whispered in mock horror. "It's _them._ Run!"

Maggie giggled and threw a pillow in her direction. "Run is right, they're trying to kill you with all that processed crap in those casseroles!"

Dixie climbed off the bed and ran her hand through her hair to greet whoever had come to visit. She was surprised when she walked through her bedroom door and saw Tara Teller standing with a son on her hip.

"I'm sorry to barge in like this. I'm sure you're needing to rest right now. But I was in the neighborhood and I thought I'd stop by and check in." Tara greeted, bouncing Thomas on her hip. The growing toddler grabbed at Maggie's dangly earrings (or maybe he was aiming for her rack – Dixie wasn't sure) and Maggie took him when Tara offered him.

"I'll just take this little guy out to say hi to the chickens."

"Don't let him into the coop, just let him look from a safe distance." Tara commanded with an appreciative smile.

"Yes, ma'am." Maggie said sweetly before whisking Thomas away for a mini-chicken observing adventure leaving Dixie alone with the President's doctor Old Lady.

"Can I get you something to drink, to eat? We've recently been overcome with a incredible amount of casserole."

"Coffee if you have it. You make a good cup of a coffee." Tara smiled.

"Make yourself comfortable." Dixie insisted waving welcoming at her living area. Tara made herself comfortable on Dixie's couch while Dixie hurried to make them coffee.

A few minutes later she was bringing the coffee tray out with cookies that Bobby had sent over with one of the girls from work. That man loved to bake.

"Oh you didn't need to go to so much trouble, Dixie." Tara insisted. "Just a cup was fine – it's important that you start to take it easy."

"I've been taking it easy. Maggie's been fussing over me since I came out. Bobby took me off the work schedule so I'm out of work for now. I'm actually glad for the excuse to do something."

"Are you going to be okay for money? For insurance?"

"Maggie's got plans to expand her chicken adventures and I have some money saved up. I think it'll all work out." She replied, she actually wasn't sure what she was going to do. She figured she should start putting in her applications in at the super market and gas stations. Something low key with manageable hours. The pay would be horrible but it'd be better than doing nothing.

Tara frowned a little and said. "I'm sure there's assistance out there for women in your situation. I'll talk to my friends at the hospital and see what they say. You obviously can't keep dancing but I'm sure you're relieved about that."

_Not really,_ but Dixie didn't say anything.

"I was going to start taking over the management end so Bobby could focus on Cara Cara." Dixie shared, a twinge of sadness at her lost chance. She knew that once she got through this, if things were the same, she could probably pick up where she left off. But it still hurt.

Tara looked thoughtful for a moment, taking a sip of her coffee. "Well, perhaps you could answer phones at Cara Cara or something. It's such a lucrative business I'm sure they can find you some position that doesn't require...certain positions."

She wasn't sure that Tara could make those promises but it was nice that she was trying, it meant so much that she was here. In her living room. Dixie was reminded of the first time she woke up with a club member – Tig – next to her in her actual bed. It felt right but it was still incredibly new.

"That would be nice, anything that I can manage when I start chemo..."

"I'm not sure...most people don't work during Chemo." Tara said quietly. "But once you stop chemo you can probably return back to something to get money coming in. Some women return to work during radiation therapy if the work they do isn't too strenuous. A manageable part-time position would be best."

"I was thinking of seeing of the market was hiring. I worked there when I was a teenager."

"Well, the important thing right now is for you to know that you're not alone and you have all of us here supporting you." Tara said with sincerity. She leaned forward and surprised Dixie by giving her a tight, long hug. "You're young and you're strong. You'll get through this, Dixie."

A few minutes later Tara collected her son and left with words of support. Dixie watched her pull out of her driveway quietly. Maggie came up behind her and wrapped her arms around her, hugging her from behind.

"Do you want some casserole?"

"Sure." She replied with a smile that didn't quite reach the corners of her mouth.


	9. Chapter 9

A/N Thank you for the continued reviews, I love the feedback. Keep it up. :) Sorry if this chapter has a few typos. It's like super late and it's too hot to sleep so I figured I'd write. The thing about heat – it doesn't make your brain see typos!

Disclaimer – I own nothing, nada, zilch, that you recognize from SoA. I just like playing in Abel's sandbox.

Chapter Nine

"She's going to lose all of her hair soon, chemo and all. Is there a doctor's note or something that she needs so she can wear a wig or a scarf or somethin'?" Gemma asked the guard as the expressionless man swiped their outstretched limbs with a metal detector.

"You can ask after you leave at the guard desk."

Dixie looked at the other woman grateful that she thought of that. In two weeks from Tuesday she would start Chemo at St. Thomas. Her new doctor was a woman but younger than the other one had been. She had been really cool and it seemed like she knew her stuff. She had given Dixie loads and loads of information and resources that she was still trying to sort through. Tara had come by during the visit and asked some questions and then after she met Dixie and had her meet a HR lady from the hospital who gave her a number of an organization that helped ladies in her position.

Now she was standing next to Gemma in the cold, impersonal jail house that her Old Man was stuck in, waiting to go see him. Since his actual sentencing he had gotten better visitation. They were allowed to meet in a big room with other people, allowed to kiss and have small moments of physical contact – all under the scrutiny of watching guards lined up sporadically. The dress code was still pretty strict though and you couldn't wear hats or scarves on your head. She was relieved that Gemma had thought about that or she would have been stuck when her hair started coming out walking in with...

Nope, not now. Dixie didn't want to think about that.

"Thanks." She said to Gemma.

Gemma just gave her a nod.

"I'll say hello and make myself scarce to give you two a moment." Gemma informed quietly, as they walked through the door.

"Thank you, Gemma. I appreciate this." Dixie replied, finding a seat in a corner of the room that looked quiet. They had to wait for him to be released, it'd be another few minutes.

Gemma smiled benevolently and tucked a strand of Dixie's hair behind her ear. "It'll all work out. I've never seen Tiggy happier than when he's with you. And I've known him for a long, long time, baby girl."

"He makes me pretty happy too." She replied.

"You have to show him you're leaning on the Club. That'll help him deal with this, knowing that you're trusting the Club and the family to support you. He needs to know you're surrounded by the people he trusts the most."

"I am," Dixie replied honestly. She shifted and crossed her legs on the bench of the table they had sat on. It was uncomfortable and metal. She hated this place. It was bland and cold and every time she walked in she felt like the air was being sucked out of her chest. It only made Gemma's advice and words more foreboding. No matter how much time would pass Gemma would always be intimidating to Dixie. Dixie had a pretty good idea that Gemma knew that and didn't mind it one bit. "The Club and Tig – they're the only family I have left."

"And the Club knows it, baby girl." Gemma assured patting her arm.

The room filled with a loud beep, signaling the release of an inmate, and she and Gemma looked towards the door where inmates were filing in slowly. It was early on a Saturday morning – the quietest time they figured that she could tell him. She didn't want to tell him later on when the visiting room was thick with family members. And it would have taken another week or two to process a request for a private visitation. And she wasn't his wife so she probably would have been denied.

Tig, dressed in a blue, faded jumpsuit, filed in with an annoyed smirk in the guard's direction. She stood up anxiously as he found them with his eyes and walked towards them.

"My two favorite girls." He drawled with an excited grin. "To what do I owe this pleasure? Come to see my new outfit – I wore just for you two dolls."

He tugged her to him and wrapped his arms around her tightly. She buried her head into his chest, breathing deep and hating the smell of metal and tired inmate, and closed her eyes for a long moment. Tig tensed underneath her and he nudged her head up studying her face with his blue eyes.

"Hey girl." He muttered to her. She leaned up on her toes and pressed her lips to his. He pressed back, smothering her kiss with his own. They spent countless moments as close as they could possible be in the cold, visitation room before parting. Dixie felt the scrutiny of his eyes on her. He knew that something was wrong, it was in his kiss and the way that he gripped her side even as he greeted Gemma with a hug and a peck.

"How you doing, Tiggy?" Gemma questioned.

"I'm doin' good. What more can I say? I got food, a bed, a bitch on the side." He quipped.

"I'm sure," Gemma shook her head with a smirk. Gemma looked at her and they exchanged looks. She turned to Tig and kissed him on the cheek. "I'll give you two a moment."

Dixie watched her walk away and then settled cross legged on the bench as Tig settled down next to her. She scooted forward running her palms up his jump-suited arms and tangling her fingers into his wild curls. His blue eyes – the ones that haunted her, the ones that she had fallen in love with – stared openly at her.

"I have something to tell you." She started softly, feeling as if her chest was opening like a bleeding wound. "And it won't be easy for you to hear so I just need you to promise to not get upset - to not make the guards come."

He narrowed his eyebrows with wariness. "What's this? What is it? Did someone mess with you? Was it a client – I'll have the Club handle it. Why didn't they handle -"

She put a finger on his lips, silencing him.

"Tig, please. Just promise." Dixie pleaded, leaning forward and pressing her forehead on his. He pressed harder, kissing her lips and nodded curtly.

She grasped his hand with hers and wished she could tell them like she would have if he wasn't...if he wasn't inside she's be in his lap, they'd be naked, and they'd talk it out while he was inside of her. Or after-wards. In some moment that was intimate without anything on the outside pressing in on their words, on _them_. But instead she was being watched by guards and she had watch where her hands went and how loud her words were.

"About a month ago when I was at the doctors' because of the fainting they sent me in for some testing in Sacramento. They found a lump in my left tit and I was sent in for more testing." Tig's eyes widened and he stiffened as she continued. "I'm...I have breast cancer, baby. It's stage two and I start chemo in two weeks."

Tig shook his head repetitively in disbelief. "What?" He looked at her with pure disbelief. "Naw, naw, baby. You're damn young. You're not...you can't have that. They made a mistake. You take a Prospect and you go back and you make them give it to you straight -"

"Tig, baby." She glanced at the guard who was looking at them with curiosity. Gemma had left the room, no loitering was allowed. Dixie grasped his face and gently made him look at her. "Baby, it's not a mistake. I went in for all of the tests that they could throw at me. It's _real_. I start chemo in two weeks at St. Thomas. After I complete chemo I'll go in for more testing and they'll schedule surgery to take out the remaining tumors. And then after as soon as I'm strong enough they'll finish up with radiation."

He gripped her arms for a long, strong moment for jumping up off the bench and pacing back and forth.

"Why didn't you say anything?" He shot at her.

"Baby, calm down." She stood up throwing a worried look at the guard staring blatantly at him. Tig caught her gaze and grimaced. He sat back down on the bench and pulled her down next to him. But he stared straight ahead, not looking at her.

"You've known for a month?"

"Yea, baby." Dixie made herself look him the eyes when she told him the truth. "I wanted to know what it was and what the whole deal was before I told anyone. I told Maggie last week and the Club knows. I went in for my final consultation on Tuesday. Tara stopped by and she's helped me get hooked up with support organizations...it's going to be handled."

"I...I can't believe it." He said, his eyes dark and stormy and shocked. "This...this can't be right, babe. You're too young for this shit. Grandmas get breast cancer – soccer moms ...not hot, young sweet things like you."

"Thank you for that compliment, baby." She replied with a small, little smile. "But it effects twenty-something strippers too."

"Well, it shouldn't." He said desperately, his mind still processing the information she had just laid at his feet. His shoulders slumped and he looked at her with sadness in his eyes. "I'm so sorry, baby. Aww, shit...baby...I..."

That's what she needed to hear. Tension rolled off of her and Dixie realized she had been terrified of his reaction. Even more so than she had let herself acknowledge. Dixie glanced at the guard and saw that he was looking in another direction. She wrapped her arms around Tig's shoulders and pulled him close.

"I should have been there with you." Tig threw out bitterly.

"We're going to get through this." She whispered into his ear.

He squeezed her tight, emotion ran through her violently, this was what she needed most of all. Tig's arms around hers, telling her that he was still there, and knowing that as long as he was that she'd be okay. In that moment she believed, she truly believed, that everything was going to be okay.

"I love you, baby." He murmured into her ear, so low that only she could hear.

"I love you too."

They pulled away slowly and her heart ripped when she saw un-shed tears in his eyes. He couldn't cry, he wouldn't cry – not here. Not in this place.

"Alright, we have time. Tell me everything." He ordered, without a beat.

She straightened out on the bench, crossing her leg, and turning to face him. And she told him everything. Everything from the lymph nodes to the types of Chemo and how it would effect her. She told him how the treatment was being covered and what her plans were for work. Full disclosure had to work both ways, after all.

"So you're going to be okay." He stated after she was done. "You're young, you're strong and all that shit. Cancer ain't gonna beat you."

"The prognosis sounds pretty good in my favor but nothing is certain and I'll need to be super careful."

"I trust you to do it right." He said, smoothing her hair with a hand. "You need anything you tell the Club. You don't got to do this shit on your own. Talk to Gemma if you have any questions. She knows the ropes."

"I know, she's been a great help. Everyone has been pulling together, baby. Our freezer is so damn full we had to go borrow a neighbor's."

"That's good." Tig commented, he looked dazed but his voice was lighter. He was trying to pass himself off as fine. But she looked harder at his face, pushed behind the lines of his face, and she saw he was shaken. She felt desperate to put him back to rights before their visit was cut short. Before Gemma returned or the guard told them their time was up. She had to make sure he wasn't so shaken that he wasn't on the ball when he went back inside. If something happened to him on the inside because he was shaken up from the news it would cut her up.

"Baby, I'll be okay." She stated firmly.

He nodded, "Yea, I know. You have to be. Got no other choice, babe."

"That's right. No other choice." She repeated.

Tig's blue eyes flattened and he stared into her eyes and said in a flinty voice. "You got no other choice, babe. You're going to get better."

"I promise." She vowed with everything she had in her. "I'll be okay."

He softened considerably and pressed a kiss to her forehead.

The sound of heels clicking towards them made Dixie look up. Gemma was cautiously coming their way. Her eyes drifted towards Dixie and Dixie gave her a reassuring nod.

"How we doing?" She asked.

"We're okay."

"We're good."

Gemma smiled a little. "That's good to hear, can I sit down or do you need more time?"

"Naw, it's good." Tig answered for them, he swung his legs over bench so Gemma could sit across from them. Dixie twisted around and leaned against the table, turning her head to Gemma as she sat down.

"She's a strong one," Gemma commented nodding at Dixie.

He snaked his arm around her waist and tugged her closer. "Yea, she is."

Dixie rested her head on her man's shoulder, savoring what she knew would be a rare luxury in the next few months.

"She'll be alright, she just needs to lay off the booze and kick her feet up for a few months." Gemma said with a smirk of confidence.

"_She's_ right here." Dixie commented drily.

"I know, darlin'." Gemma returned.

"So what about you, baby?" Dixie asked Tig, changing the subject.

He shrugged non-commitedly. "The same ol', same ol'. I think they're serving turkey for meatless Tuesday so that's a plus."

She shook her head at his humor and couldn't help but look at his face, studying it for expression. He was hiding it, trying to be cool about this, but she knew it wasn't cool and this wasn't going to be easy for either of them. It was barely bearable to pretend that this was just a normal visit, that she just hadn't dropped a bomb in their entire world. Dixie slid her hand on his thigh and squeezed. His eyes flitted over to her and he gave her a half-grin with a wink that she hadn't seen in a while.

"No hand-jobs under the table, Dixie-girl. I had to learn that the hard way." Gemma whispered leaning forward with a twinkle in her eye.

Dixie wasn't a lady so she didn't need to worry about blushing but she did throw a cautious glance at the guards. Tig chuckled and squeezed the small of her back.

"I told the guards your cancer story so I think they have a little heart this visit but not _that_ much heart." Gemma teased knowingly.

They visited like that for a few minutes until Gemma let them have another piece of time together.

They spent it the way they always did their visits. Hands safely in the viewing of whatever guard wanted to get their vicarious jollies off on them and their lips connected. Just small kisses mostly, Tig muttering things to her, and she kissing back in reply and wishing it was more.

When they stood up to say goodbye and she prepared herself for the hardest part of visiting him – walking away – they say their goodbyes quietly. The place they're in doesn't get to hear their words or know what they are thinking or feeling. They don't want to give it anything so personal. Dixie squared her shoulders and kissed her man one last time.

This time he tugged her close to him and repetitively pressed his lips against hers over and over again. Cradling her head in his hands Tig messed her hair up as he savored her lips with an edge that wasn't there at the beginning of their visit.

"You come back as soon as you can." Tig told her.

"Couldn't keep me away, baby." She replied quickly.

Leaning up on she wrapped her arms around his neck and kisses him one last time whispering that she loved him. Before he could grab her up again she stepped away, quickly walking past the incoming Gemma and telling her that she'd meet her at the car.

Dixie didn't look behind her as she walked out of the visitation center. She could feel his eyes watching her and when she was out of his sight she felt them disappear – leaving emptiness in their absence. Dixie barely remembered to ask at the desk about what she needed to bring to them so she could wear a headscarf when her hair started falling out. The guard looked at her with sympathy but she didn't want his sympathy. She just took the paper he handed to her and walked out as soon as she could get past the security measures.

The prison loomed behind her, pressing on her back, and she walked stiffly to the car. Clenching her palms into fists Dixie took several long breathes and fumbled for a cigarette.

"Fuck."

Maggie had taken her cigarettes earlier that week.

"Smokin is bad for you, Dixie. You could get cancer." Gemma appeared behind her. "But I hear pot is excellent for cancer patients." She tapped her the faded surgery scar on her chest. "Also hearts. I'll get you hooked up."

"Thanks." Dixie said quietly.

Gemma wrapped her arm around her shoulder and guided her to the car. "Just get in the car baby, I'll do the rest. The first they go inside is always the hardest. And you got it extra fucked on this round. My opinion – if you two survive this shit then you're pretty much set."

"Fuck, I hope so." Dixie laughed bitterly.

Gemma slid into the driver's seat and started the car.

Dixie turned to the older woman and studied her for a moment before speaking her mind. "Thanks for this Gemma. I don't know what I'd do without you guys."

"It's what family does, baby." Was Gemma's simple reply.

_Family._

It's what really mattered at the end, wasn't it?

Dixie was beginning to believe that more and more than she already had.


	10. Chapter 10

A/N Hi! Thank you again for so many lovely reviews, I totally enjoy the feedback. I had to re-check my research a little so it took me a little while to get this chapter done. But here it is!

Disclaimer – I own nothing, nada, zilch that you see in Sons of Anarchy.

Chapter Ten

Dixie walked through the cemetery with a small bouquet in her hand.

Tomorrow she went to St. Thomas and pumped poison in her body that would make her hair fall out and the cancer shrink and turn her into a sick mess.

But for today she was going to visit her parents.

The California air breezed around her, tugging on her brown hair, as she walked through headstones to the one she wanted. It was late afternoon and the past two weeks had been full of getting ready for the next day and so much Club. Tig's brothers were always stopping by and checking in on her or sending the Prospects over to do things for her. They had appeared one morning and helped Maggie dismantle and move her chickens off the property. The prospects were tasked at mowing her lawn and keeping the yard-work up under the observing eye of Bobby and the others. Maggie didn't mention it but Dixie knew the Club had told Maggie to look after her and call them if there was anything up.

Dixie walked towards the tombstone that she had gotten for her parents. She remembered the details of purchasing it in a haze. They had been her only family. She had an Aunt and a couple of cousins but they weren't really that close. Her grandparents were gone and she really didn't have much in the way of family. Except for SAMCRO. SAMCRO was the only family that she had now.

But her parents were still part of her.

And the past few weeks she had been thinking about them more and more.

Dixie bent down and put the bouquet of blue and white flowers on the grave. She absently brushed off the simple headstone and sighed. If they were here they'd probably cope with her cancer by drinking themselves into oblivion. To be honest if they were still here she probably wouldn't be. She would have never come back. And if she had she would've had a harder time of it. When she was a kid she admired and looked up to SAMCRO and their women. They were from her side of Charming, they were heroes in her neighborhood. But when she got older she sort of knew that it was bad news to get involved with them. A lot of her older girlfriends went to the Clubhouse when they got of age and when they came back...well...she remembered seeing their younger counterparts around the Club. Girls who used the Club to drown their angst, to deal with their shit.

The same way she had when her parents had died.

But it turned out to the best thing that she had ever done.

"Visiting your parents?"

Dixie turned and saw Jax Teller standing behind her alone. His slicked back blonde hair was a little disheveled and his eyes looked tired.

"Seemed like the thing to do." She replied quietly, tilting her head softly. "Visiting your Dad?"

He studied her for a beat and then nodded curtly. "Yep. I am."

Silence filled the air between them and she was a little unsure what to say to the President of SAMCRO at that moment. She had known him her entire life. He wasn't that much older than her. Neither was Tara. Not like the difference between her and Tig and her and Gemma. They came out of the same place. They came out of Charming, out of SAMCRO. Just in different ways.

Jax stepped forward and acknowledged her parents head stone respectfully.

"I remember your Mom made good cookies for the bake sale my Mom threw each year. I used to snag them and make Gemma pissed."

Dixie chuckled and shook her head. She leaned up against a large headstone in front of her parents and sighed. "Yea, Mom always liked to bake. Gemma's just lucky she didn't get drunk and forget what not to include in the children's bake sale goods."

Jax shook his head with a grin. "You're parents knew how to party."

Dixie sighed, memories of her parents habits fluttering through her mind.

The President of SAMCRO studied her for a moment before leaning against the headstone she was and slinging a paternal arm around her shoulder. They stayed like that, silent, contemplating separately. Jax drew out a smoke and offered her one.

"Will you tell?" She asked warily.

He smirked. "Not if you don't, babe."

She took one gratefully and let him light it up for her. She inhaled the nicotine and blew out slowly. She really hadn't been much of a smoker but since stopping when she came out with her diagnosis she found that she had really relied on it after all.

"This is my last one." She sighed. "Maggie raided my room the day after I told her."

"That blows." He said shaking his head. Jax left his arm around her waist and she was struck with how familial it was. Before she hooked up with Tig Jax had barely touched her. He and Tara had the real deal thing going and she had always had a little extra respect for him because of it. Since she was inked and was officially Tig's Old Lady that barrier was lifted. She wasn't eligible pussy so she wasn't a threat or a disrespect to any one's lady.

She puffed on her smoke and stared at her parent's headstone.

"How you doin' with all of this, darlin'?" Jax asked after several long moments of quiet. She looked up at him and he looked at her with concern.

"I'm still not sure. Hell, I don't think I'll know when it's over." Dixie replied truthfully.

"I hear ya." Jax replied smoking his smoke and looking out at the expanse of cemetery before them. He tightened his grip on her shoulder for a moment. "You got everything you need?"

"Yea, I picked up a job at the grocery store that's got cancer-friendly hours and the treatment plan is all set up."

Jax Teller furrowed his brows. "Grocery store?"  
>Dixie shrugged. "I can't exactly strip bald-headed."<p>

"Well, I'm sure there's a niche for that." He said with a twinkle in his eyes.

"Yea, but I'm not one of those girls from the Jelly Bean." She returned with a twisted little smile.

Jax grinned back and shook his head. "No, no you're not, doll."

The President's expression turned considerate. "Why don't you come pick up hours at the shop? Answering phones has to be easier than stocking shelves. Tara mentioned that we could find you a place up at Cara-Cara but I was thinking the shop would be a better fit."

"I'd really appreciate that, Jax." Dixie was incredibly touched at his solution. It would be great to be close to the Clubhouse, to the guys. "Thank you, so much."

"Mom could use the time to spend with the boys. You can call in sick whenever you need. Take a nap in the clubhouse if you get tired. Smoke as much weed as you need – or want. We'll work it out." He stated. "We're all here for you, Dixie. If you need anything you just gotta ask."

"I know and I can't tell you how much I appreciate the support." She replied. Dixie took a drag from her cigarette and ran her hand through her hair.

"You're no virgin to the life, Dixie. You know how it goes. A member goes inside it's the Club job to see to his family while he does his time. Tig needs you whole as possible when he comes back. And it's our job to make it happen. We may not be able to cure your cancer but we'll see you right." Jax reminded her. He got up and stood in front of her, making her look up at him. "You were the Club's girl before you were just Tig's. You're parents may be gone, Dixie, but you're not without family. You're not doing this shit alone."

It was the simple words of the man she had known her entire life and the important statement of the President of the Club that she had been a background to for years that made her want to cry. The affirmation that the ties she felt to the Club were returned. Not just because Tig loved her but because of the shit that happened before. Dixie was a no-regret kind of girl. No shame or hesitation with the journey of her evolving life. It just meant a damn whole lot to her to hear what she was feeling wasn't just smoke.

"Thanks, Jax." She said quietly.

Jax leaned down and pressed a brotherly kiss to her forehead.

"No problem, darlin'."

Jax escorted to her car and sent her home, telling her to get some rest. Dixie went home and found it empty. Maggie was spending more and more time with her chickens now that they weren't on the property anymore. She wasn't tired but she didn't have anywhere else to be. Not wanting to disobey Jax's order to rest she curled up on a couch and flipped through old pictures. She had pictures of her from before her parent's died. She had lived in all of the major cities, New York to L.A., she had gone big town and little town. Some of her friends she had let go and some – like her friends in Seattle – she had kept. None of them would have pegged her for this life. But she had always been good at trying on different hats. The only hat she had kept shelved was the one she had at home. Turned out that hat was the real one she was supposed to be wearing the entire time.

Dixie pushed away the album and spent the rest of the day taking it easy. Gemma came over with Chucky to sort out her freezer and take some of the stuff she wouldn't eat or have the stomach for later to the Clubhouse.

"Jax talked to me about his idea for you in the shop." Gemma said, sitting down next to her. She eyed the album that Dixie had abandoned but continued talking. "When you start adjusting to chemo you just let me know. This is the Club's way of helping you out and keeping you close. If you just want to sit in the office and get high the entire time I don't think they'll care."

Dixie shook her head. "I'm supposed to treat life as normal as I can without risking my health. I'm actually looking forward to it."

Gemma nodded in approval. "That's a good idea, doll. Keep yourself busy."

Maggie walked by and Gemma looked at her. "Honey, get us some coffee. And keep Chucky occupied, he gets antsy when he's left alone."

"Yes, ma'am." Maggie replied with a smile.

"She's a nice one to have around." Gemma commented drily. "I like her better than that blue-haired one and ...what was her name? The blonde that Happy kept knocking off the pool table..."

"Hannah – she stole all my shit."

"She did? Bitch."

"Yea, last I heard she was sucking the cock of some drug dealer in Oakland."

"Classy." Gemma snorted.

Dixie leaned back on the couch and nodded. "Maggie's a sweetheart. A little out there but she's a good friend."  
>"If she gives you any trouble though don't be afraid to push her around. That's the fun part about having that crow on your chest."<p>

Dixie had no intention of pushing Maggie around and didn't have any expectation of having to be disappointed in her. Another sweet-butt who gave her crap? Hell yea. It was kind of nice not having to worry about what to do if a girl went all back-stabby. One less thing on the back of her mind.

"I don't think that's going to be a problem. Have you noticed whose favoring her in the Clubhouse?"

"Favoring?" Gemma asked, furrowing her brow.

"Yea, whose she a favorite too?"

"Pussy is a pussy, doll." Gemma shrugged.

Dixie compressed a smile and shook her head. "Before Tig went inside she was one of Happy and Chib's favorites."

"I don't pay attention to that shit, darlin'. Let the boys figure out where their cock is going and let's us just keep our boy's cocks inside us." Gemma reasoned.

Dixie guessed that was so, even so she wondered what was going in the Club. She was so out of the loop. At first with dealing with Tig going inside and then the diagnosis. She didn't want her illness stealing that away or distancing her from her life. She wanted to be inside her life not on the outside.

"Very true."

Maggie brought a tray out and asked if they needed anything else.

"No, we're good. Don't forget Chucky." Gemma said.

Maggie went to find him on the porch with a star chart. She was going to do his astrology signs or something.

Gemma picked up Dixie's photos and looked at them absently.

"You really did travel, didn't you?"

Dixie nodded and picked up an old Polaroid from her time in New Orleans. "I went all over."

"You're Mom used to tell me where you were whenever I ran into her. I can't imagine how she kept track of you all those years."

"Oh they managed." Dixie replied ruefully. They always seemed to know how to get a hold of her when they needed something.

"I bet they did."

Gemma lapsed for a moment and smiled flipping through the album. "You should start one with SAMCRO. Start chronicling the life and times of Tiggy's Old Lady."

"Hmm...chemo and jail visits. The life and times..." Dixie retorted. She leaned up and picked up another photo. "I loved traveling but I didn't realize what I was missing until I came home."

"I don't normally pay attention to sweet-butts unless they stick around for more than a few months. I was sure you were going to leave. But you stayed, got a little more sober, and got yourself a patch. You're Mama would be proud."

Dixie sighed, unsure if that was the case or if her Mama had any thoughts about her future at all. "I hope so."

"I'm sure. You know, you're Dad hung around the Club but he was too drunk to be patched in. You're Mama stood by him but she was a little like you before you're Dad came along. The Club was new in Charming and she met your Daddy soon after she started hanging out around the Club. It was love at first drink with those two."

Gemma stayed for a little while longer while Maggie kept Chucky occupied. Dixie appreciated her visit and in the back of her mind she knew that Gemma was honoring her history and friendship with Tig by stopping by and by getting so involved. She was pretty sure she'd never know what Gemma really thought about her but she didn't care. There were bigger things to worry after and she was grateful for the support and advice regardless of where it came from.

The next morning Dixie woke up bright and early and slowly got ready for her first day of her first round of chemo. She had packed a bag the night before – magazines, water, extra socks, blankets, a book, a change of clothes, organic yarn to start a crochet project – Dixie may have over packed. But she wanted to be prepared for anything. Although she was pretty sure she wouldn't have the energy to crochet or the attention span to read a book. Maggie was going to take her in her car and pick her up. Dixie wanted to do it alone but before she went to bed Tara had called her and said that the boys had decided that Chip was going to drive her there and back. She wasn't sure if that was because something was happening or the boys just wanted to extend more help. She didn't really want to ask.

Dixie made coffee and ate a light breakfast while trying not to listen to Maggie having morning sex with what sounded to be like...well...she wasn't sure. They were making sounds but not too coherent of sounds.

Dixie pulled her hair back and tried not to think, as she felt her strands in her hands, that this might be one of the last times she held her hair in her hands. She didn't want to think about being bald. Instead she drank her coffee and picked out her clothes. She was supposed to get her chemo through a IV because she had declined to have a port put in. She knew that she would have to deal with getting her breast chopped into. She didn't want anything else to disfigure her. They recommended in the brochures and pamphlets that she wear loose, comfortable layers. So she pulled on a her favorite sweatpants outfit and called it a day. She already missed spending time on her appearance, worrying about her hair and her make-up. But...Dixie knew at the end of the day she would feel awful and she wouldn't want to deal with any of it.

Besides...Tig wasn't around so she really didn't need to go all out. That's what she told herself.

Maggie came out of her bedroom in a rush while Dixie was fixing herself some breakfast.

"I was going to fix you breakfast!" She rushed out, her hair a mess and her robe sloppily tied.

"It's okay, I got it while you were waking up."

The Son that Maggie had been doing ambled out shrugging on his cut.

"Morning, want some coffee?" She asked Juice.

"Sure thing...I mean...I can get it." Juice said quickly. "You need a ride to treatment?"

"Chip's taking us." Dixie replied. Maggie began to pour juice into a glass and stuck it in her face.

"You have to drink a lot of liquids." She explained.

"Yes, I know. I've had like two cups of coffee already."

"Coffee dehydrates." Maggie stated flatly.

"Actually studies show that it doesn't." Juice interjected helpfully. He started pulling on his boots and looked up at them. "If you don't need anything I'm going to head out. Have some work to do for Jax."

"We're good."

"I'll take very good care of her."

"I'll call Chip and remind him." Juice walked over and pulled her into a surprise hug. "Good luck today, Dixie."

"Thanks."

"Anytime." He replied. "Let us know if you need anything."

Maggie gave a cute but solemn salute and Dixie nodded.

Juice left and Maggie went to find fresh underwear and hospital friendly clothing as well. Dixie fiddled nervously on the couch until Chip pulled up. Her heart slammed into her chest in a surprise anxiety move and she struggled to breath. Deep breath, deep breath, deep breath.

Chip let himself in and she masked her discomfort by smiling at him. "Good morning, Chip."

"Good morning, Dixie." He replied. "I'm ready when you are, just let me know if you need anything. I'm supposed to be with you all day unless they need me."

Dixie nodded at him and unclenched her fists she had hidden in her side. Chip looked around and then jumped suddenly as if remembering something.

"Tig told Bobby to make sure you got this before your first treatment but he forgot to send it over. He gave it to me instead." He pulled out something from his cut. It was a tube, a lotion tube. "He said it was your favorite."

Lavender lotion.

Nodding, her throat lumpy and her eyes stinging with emotion, Dixie took the lotion and carefully opened it. Like she had before...so many fucking times before...she carefully applied a light layer of lavender lotion onto her hands. No one would have known about this. Not even Bobby – he didn't pay attention to the rituals of any of the girls . No one but her Tig would know that she would need this today. Even she had forgotten to put it into her alarmingly large chemo-treatment bag.

The panic ebbed away and Maggie came out of her room ready to go and Chip carried their things to the car. Maggie fussed over her, Chip looked nervous, and Dixie was ready. She wasn't really _ready. _But she knew she would never, ever be ready for this completely. But she was calm as she could muster, she had to do this, this was going to happen, and she had accepted in some small part that it just was going to happen. Dixie didn't cry – she wouldn't let it have the satisfaction.

But she knew, even though she felt calmer, that this day would change her life forever. This day was never going to ever go away in her memory.

Today was the day she began to fight cancer.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N

So normally I write these things after I've written the chapter but this time around I wanted to share something with you all straight away. Angelina Jolie (someone I've admired since I was young) has come out in the NY Times revealing that she has had a double mastectomy when she found out that she had an 87% of developing breast cancer due to a faulty gene. You can find her article in the NY Times :)

Also, busy week so this chapter is a little short. Sorry about that, I have something planned for the next couple of chapters.

Thank you for all of the reviews, keep them coming. I truly appreciate the feedback.

Disclaimer : I own nothing, nada. Sutter be King, I just be a highly imaginative milk-maid with many different friends inside of my head. Including Dixie. And the chickens...lol...

Chapter Eleven

Dixie blinked, staring at the ceiling of her room, and tried not to breathe. Breathing made her stomach rolled. Or it had...she took an experimental deep breath and sighed long and hard when she realized she had a momentary reprieve from the throw-up fest her life had been seen her first chemo session a week ago.

She had taken the anti-nausea medication.

Dixie was fully prepared to be sick to her stomach, to feel tired, to eventually lose her hair. She had done everything right – taken her medication, rested, hydrated...and her body didn't care. She could barely take a shower without feeling like she was going to throw up. Weed helped her keep the food down but it didn't make the nausea go away. And to be honest...she just wasn't hungry.

Pushing herself up she slowly got out of bed and ran her hand through her hair. It had only been a week. She had another week or two before the effects starting making her hair fall out. That's what the nurse had reminded her when she had left the hospital. It'd be another week or two before those effects started taking place. For now...she was exhausted, nauseous, aching, dry, and...there were so many things happening to Dixie right now she couldn't really count them all.

Instead she took the reprieve from nausea to go take a shower and wash the sick away.

Seven days.

Seven days and she was wiped and she had to face months of this shit. And then surgery. And then radiation.

Dixie ignored the strange man's boots kicked off outside of Maggie's door and claimed the bathroom for herself. The water was hot and felt good. She gently washed her hair, afraid for how much time she had left with her locks, and softly scrubbed the sick off her now-dry skin. She couldn't scrub like she used to. She had to be careful because her skin was just going to get worse. After twenty minutes she carefully climbed out and dried herself off.

Dixie avoided the mirror.

She didn't want to see the effects of the chemo, of not being able to keep much down, of constantly throwing up and feeling numb and tired was doing to her body. She pulled on a pair of jeans and an old concert t-shirt and carefully pulled her hair back to the side.

Done.

That was all it took now. No make-up, no extra primping, no taking time to see how she looked in the mirror.

She walked into her kitchen and started preparing tea when Maggie and her visitor came out of her bedroom. She pressed her lips together when she saw Bobby pull on his cut and look a little sheepish in amusement.

"Um...was just comin' to check in on ya." He said weakly.

She shook her head with a smile. "Well, I woke up and didn't feel the need to chuck up the empty contents of my stomach...so I think I'm doing pretty good."

"That's good, I...uh...brought you some organic poppy-seed muffins...with extra poppies." He said.

"Thanks, it'll help keep the tea down." She replied. Dixie reached for one and took a bite out of it. "Who taught you how to bake, anyhow?"

"My Mama."

"Good Mama."

"She sure was."

Maggie flitted about like nothing had just happened a few minutes before her and Bobby and Dixie had to admire her spirit. Bobby and Dixie had never, ever crossed that line. Not because of the age – that wasn't how it worked with SAMCRO – but because of the history between her and him. As in...she grew up living so close to him, he was a friend of the families, and she was pretty sure age was just a number with Bobby unless he could remember you as a little girl. Then it crept him out.

"I was thinking of calling Gemma, having her show me around the shop today." She mentioned, sitting down at their kitchen table and sipping her tea.

"Do you think you're ready for that?"

"Maybe you should -"

Bobby and Maggie spoke at the same time, both looking a little more than worried.

"I just want to get out of the house." She defended quickly. "While I still feel better and while I still have hair."

They fell a silent and she ate her muffin in quiet. She shook her head and drank the rest of her tea. "I might need a ride though. That was a pretty potent poppy-seed muffin."

"I told you extra poppy." Bobby replied shaking his head with a chuckle. "Why else would I bring it to you?"

Dixie felt better, a little hazy from the extra in the muffin, but she felt better. She called Gemma who was already at the shop and asked if she could come. She pretty much got the same response – was she ready? But she was. She wasn't throwing up and her hair hadn't fallen out yet and she had just slept a good night's sleep. Basically -it was now or never.

Gemma met her at the door of the office, the shop operating full speed around them.

"Hey, sweetheart." She greeted Dixie. "You sure you're up for this?"

"Yes, yes." She said, trying not to get annoyed. Gemma smirked and shook her head. "I'll show you around then I'm gonna head out and see the boys. Chucky will stay with you and help you out."  
>"Absolutely positively!" Chucky said, appearing in the office with a goofy grin.<p>

"How are things?" Dixie asked when they stepped inside the cluttered office.

"It's good. Busy, but good." Was Gemma's semi-cryptic answer.

The office was cluttered but there was a system. This wasn't like any work that she had ever done before. Dixie danced for a living, she bar-tended, and that was all that she had ever aspired to. She wasn't dumb by anymeans. She was a quick thinker, she could learn fast, and she was pretty strong when it came to the common sense end of things. But, this was definitely a new chapter in her work life.

The fact that she was doing it while in Chemo made it seem less important, though. And maybe that was a good thing, she thought, as Gemma showed her how to operate the telephone. Her mouth was dry, she felt tired, and Bobby's extra-kick muffin was doing it's job. She wasn't throwing up and that alone made her feel immensely better.

A couple of the guys came in and asked her how she was doing, Chucky did most of the work. But she answered the phones. It was a low-key situation and she figured she could do it if she felt worse. So that was also a plus.

But being in the garage and working near the boys made her homesick for Tig. Dixie realized how dependent she was on him for so many things. And it was just getting worse as the time went on and he wasn't here and she was getting more sick. She had no idea how it would be when he got out and it scared her. She believed in him and she believed in them. There was just a lot of unknown circling around them at a time when Dixie really wanted to be certain about everything.

It was a couple of hours into the afternoon when she heard the boys pull out. An hour later they were racing back in and the garage was closed down for the rest of the day. She wandered out and watched them from the doorway of the office as they pooled into the Clubhouse. It was obvious that they were going to church or she would have gone in and see what was going on. She wasn't sure if she should, since Tig was inside. How deep was she without Tig?

"Do you need a ride home?" Chucky asked, coming up behind her.

"I think I'll stay for another half an hour, I wanted to get familiar with the filing."

"Alrightie." He said, "I'll be in the Clubhouse making a sandwich. Do you want something?"

"No, I'm not hungry." Dixie replied honestly, she was actually more tired than she let on but she didn't want to let on. Not yet, she was having a good day and she wanted to make it last. Even if it was just so she could get acquainted with filing. It was better than going home again.

"Okie dokie, just call over if you need me." He said before bounding across the lot.

She sighed and went to the desk and started slowly going through the files. It was straight forward once you got used to reading the language but her eyes began to itch and her head started to ache.

A half an hour later she was trying not to fall asleep when Chibs came into the office.

"It's a good thing you came in today, darlin'." He said, "We've gotten into a bit of heat and we're placing a patch on you and the rest of the Old Ladies."

"Is everything okay?" She asked before realizing it.

"No worries, darlin'. Just a bit of heat with the buyers. We just want to be cautious, that's all." He informed easily. "You finishing up for the day?"

"Yea, I was just getting familiar with Gemma's filing system." She stifled a yawn and he quirked his brow.

"Alright, let's get you home. Tig will cut all our dicks off if somethin' happens to you." He replied, leaning against the door and shaking his head.

She stood up, holding herself still as her head rushed around her. Chibs was there in an instant, his arm propping her up.

"Alright, darlin'. You're alright."

Chibs held her up for a few moments until Dixie could move on her own. She nodded stiffly and he let his arm loop around hers.

"So I'm guessin' we're taking a cage then, doll?"

She nodded, a weak laugh escaping from her mouth. "I think that's best."  
>"No worries, you'll be better in no time."<br>She knew and he knew that wasn't true. But it was sweet that he said so.

Chibs took her home and helped her inside to her bedroom. Her entire body felt foggy and she was almost asleep as he practically carried her into her house. She remembered a very long time ago when she was watching children and he was lonely without his family and wondered if he was still lonely. Being away from Tig made her remember him and she felt a little guilty that she had forgotten the piece she knew about Chibs.

She laid down on her bed and he covered up her up with a blanket. Maggie was still gone tending to her chickens.

"I'll stay until the prospect comes." He said, and she wanted to get up to get him something to drink or fix him up with something to eat...but she couldn't even move.

"Help yourself to the fridge." She said instead.

He nodded and smoothed back her hair. "Sleep tight, sister."

She curled up and let sleep tug at her until she was sleeping fast. When she woke Chip was sitting at her table and eating a sandwich that Maggie set him up with and her nausea was back. She choked down a bit of muffin before throwing it up.

It was nice while it lasted.

She worried that something was happening with the Club, something that she didn't know about. And it wasn't that she didn't know about it it was that it might hurt Tig while he was inside and vulnerable. And she didn't...couldn't even think about that. So she curled up in her bed with a trash can in easy reach and fell back asleep.

Life went on with or without cancer.


	12. Chapter 12

A/N Thank you for the reviews, keep them coming. I really appreciate the feedback and the comments.

Disclaimer : I don't own Sons of Anarchy, I just play in Abel and Thomas's playground for fun... lol.

Chapter Twelve

She shivered as the toxic medicine dripped into her veins. It was only her second time and she already hated the plastic, peach and tan colored chemo room. Weren't these places supposed to be comforting? Instead she felt like she was in a cheap hotel lobby.

Dixie sighed and looked around beside her. There was an old man dozing off and a woman knitting and another woman flipping through a magazine. She shifted uncomfortably and eyed the shadow of the prospect stationed outside of the Chemo room. Chip had been shadowing her for most of the week. Whatever the Club was going through was big enough to have her and Tara and the other main girls shadowed. Dixie learned that they had brought up two new hangarounds which meant that they felt the need to grow ranks. She knew the hangarounds vaguely, a young veteran named Elijah and a mechanic named Sid. She hadn't had any time with them but she knew that they hadn't been tasked with protection yet. The Club had learned the hard way a while back to have the Prospects prove their stuff before tasking them with protection. Tara was with Filthy Phil or one of the other guys at all times. She had stopped by earlier and Dixie had eyed Filthy Phil and Chip talking in the corner.

Whatever it was it would be okay. It always was. That's what Dixie told herself.

A girl had to have a little faith, right?

Chip loped into the room quietly and shifted uncomfortably from side to side. She had learned that the hospital made him uncomfortable. "Do you need anything?"

"I could use a blanket...could you ask the nurse?"

He nodded and turned to go when a raspy but strong female voice said. "Ask them for the white ones, the blue one's are rough on the skin."

Dixie turned and looked at the woman next to her. The one that had been previously flipping through the magazine. She had a bright pink scarf with polka dots wrapped around her head and upon closer inspection Dixie noticed she was flipping through a Playgirl magazine. Dixie smuggled a grin and nodded at Chip.

"I'll go find a nurse."

He loped off to the nurses station and she turned back to the women. "Thanks for the advice."

"Just paying it forward, baby." The woman flipped her magazine shut and turned in her seat. "How long have you been in treatment?"

"This is my second round."

"Third." The woman winked. "Well...third for this round of cancer. Can't seem to kick the bitch out of my womanly parts."

Amused by the woman Dixie perked up. Dixie carefully turned in the chair to face the woman in a more comfortable position. "That's rough. I'm stage two b in my tits."

"Damn, I read in an article once that it could hit pretty young. How old are you, anyway?"

"I'm hitting my later twenties." She shrugged.

Chip appeared a few moments later with a white blanket and nervously draped it on her.

"Thanks, Chip."

He shifted his weight and nodded rapidly. "Need anything else?"

"I'm good."

He disappeared into his former perch and the woman next to her grinned a wrinkly grin. She must have been in her sixties, Dixie figured.

"You got a nice one there."

"Oh...he's not mine. Just a friend." Dixie replied quickly.

She snuggled up underneath the blanket and let her needle-inserted arm rest comfortably on the arm chair. Her arm ached uncomfortably where the needle was inserted. She fucking hated needles.

"I wish I had a friend like that."

Dixie wondered where the woman was from. Most ladies didn't talk like that around cuts.

"My name is Dixie." She introduced. "I'd shake your hand but both our hands are pretty much tied."

"I'm Patty, baby." She shared, "It's pleasure to meet you and I'm sorry if this old broad is botherin' you. Talking is my way of occupying my time...not much of a knitter."

"Me neither." She returned. "And I don't mind...can I ask if you're from around here?"

"No and yes. I grew up here when I was a little girl. I came back to live with my sister while I make cancer my bitch."

Dixie laughed out loud and the sound startled.

"Laughter is the greatest medicine or something like that..." Patty informed factually. She picked up her Playgirl magazine and flipped it open for Dixie to see. "That and smokin' hot menfolk."

Patty finished before Dixie and gave her the Playgirl magazine with her number and address on it. "Don't be shy, I don't know nobody in this town anymore. It'll be nice to have a girlfriend outside of my sister. I love that old girl but she should have her own episode of that Hoarders show. Her walls are plastered with porcelain cats, it's damn unnerving."

Dixie wondered if that was a good thing or not. Patty seemed like an easy going enough woman who hopefully wouldn't run away screaming once she figured out who exactly Dixie was associated with in this town. Dixie sort of needed a friend who had been through this rodeo before. She had been eying fliers in the hospital bulletin board for breast cancer groups. And that was great and all but it really wasn't her style. And she wasn't sure she was up to getting slammed with stuffy old broads clamming up around the SAMCRO Old Lady.

Tara came back down to visit her but it wasn't just a normal visit. She looked worried but she smoothed it away when she looked at Dixie.

"What's going on?" Dixie asked quietly, making sure no one over hear her before she spoke.

Tara shifted her gaze to the other patients and Dixie fell silent. Tara sat on a chair and scooted up next to Dixie and said quietly. "I don't know if you know this or not, Dixie, but the Club has been catching some heat. One of the crow-eaters got roughed up last night."

"Oh my God." Dixie breathed, she sat up quickly and Tara gently pushed her back down.

"Don't get upset, she's fine."

"Which one?" Dixie asked, wondering which one of her friends.

"Her name was Reanna and she's going to be okay." Tara assured. "She's going to crash at Bobby's house while she mends. The important thing is that Jax wants the family close right now. Now we have two options...one you go move into the Clubhouse until the heat blows over or you stay with Jax and me. It's...a situation that will take more than one solution and that means time. Especially with Tig inside the boys want to make sure this goes down without a hitch." Tara paused and leaned closer as a nurse walked past. "I would like to recommend that you stay with Jax and me for the time being. It'll be a whole lot cleaner and you'll be able to rest. We can put you in Abel's room and move him into Thomas's nursery for now. But it's up to you, I don't want to put you in a uncomfortable position. It's important that you stay rested and relaxed during your treatment."

Dixie didn't feel very relaxed or rested. No..not one bit. Her previous happiness of finding a friend in Chemo was long gone and replaced with a biting worry that wound in her stomach. She recognized the name of the sweetbutt in a instant. Reanna had done her time with the Club before Dixie had come back. She had two kids who were most likely kids of the Club. She was a crazy drunk but she was loyal and she was part of their world. She was part of the background like Dixie had been but she was had been around so long that everyone (except maybe Tara) knew who she was. She sighed heavily, running through the situation in her head. It was nice that Tara was giving her a choice and even more nicer that she was offering to open her home up to Dixie. She wondered why she wasn't being stashed at Gemma's place and realized quietly that maybe Gemma wasn't inside the circle as much as she let on. It was just speculation and there was no way to know because Dixie wasn't around or as close as she used to be since Tig had gone inside. That's how it was, if you're man was inside then it was almost like you were inside too...when it came to certain things. Or maybe it was just the damn cancer. Dixie didn't care. She knew she really didn't have a choice where she stayed because she also knew that Tig would kill her if she went against Doc's advise.

"If it's no trouble I think I'll follow your advice, Doc." She echoed her own thoughts.

Tara smiled and smoothed Dixie's blanket. "That's good, I'll have the room made up. It should be ready when you're done for the day. I can take you back if you want, then we can share our cut and free up one of the guys for the Club."

What she really meant was free up one of the guys to watch Jax's back. But that was okay because that's how Dixie would think for Tig.

"Sounds like a plan, boss lady." She winked, trying to hide that she was inwardly stressing out.

"I'll see you in an hour." Tara said, "Let the nurses know if you need anything."

Tara said a couple of soft words to the nurses and then left the Chemo room. Dixie sighed deeply and was glad that Patty hadn't been here for that. No one could have heard but it would have made it more awkward. Already the woman who was knitting was looking at her with curiosity. Between the cut outside and the doctor Queen of SAMCRO coming to check in on her she was pretty sure she was the hottest, gossipy piece in the Chemo room.

She had only been in the Teller home a handful of times. Tara wasn't exactly as into family dinners as her former predecessor. And Dixie couldn't blame her. She was a doctor and had two baby boys under the age of four. Between those two facts and the attention the Club demanded she didn't think that Tara had much time for herself. And now she was taking on a chemo patient house guest.

Dixie had always respected Tara – they came from the same neighborhood, she was the President's wife, and despite the class difference Tara extended a sense of dignity to the girls. But, Tara was also kind of stuck up. Just a enough to make Dixie a little uncomfortable getting close to her. She made assumptions that weren't true and it wasn't like she was judgmental...she just operated in a different world than most of the ladies in the SAMCRO world. And not because who her old man was but because...she left and became a freaking doctor. Dixie had left and become a stripper. She never had any shame about it but there still a difference between the two of them that she was careful about. Despite that, when she entered the Teller home she felt like part SAMCRO, accepted her as natural as accepting any member into their home.

"Maggie brought over some things you can stomach after Chemo." Tara shared opening the fridge so that she could see the organic array that Maggie had stuffed into their fridge. Only Maggie would have the audacity to stuff the King of SAMCRO's refrigerator with vegan, organic food...and get away with it.

Dixie looked at the array and felt her stomach curl up in it's self. She nodded weakly and Tara shut the door quickly.

"You'll be staying in here." Tara walked into the hallway and Dixie followed slowly behind. The room a little boy's room except for a single bed that had obviously just been put together. She recognized it as one of the spares form the clubhouse. "Bathroom is just through there and Maggie also brought over some of your things. I told her she can come by during the day to stay with you."

"Thanks, Tara. I really appreciate this." She said, sitting on the bed and breathing deep through her nose.

"Elyda will be around too if you need anything. Don't hesitate to ask."

Tara left her to rest in her make-shift room and Dixie heard the sound of Jax and a couple of other Sons pull up. She closed the door to shut out the activity, pulled a trash can next to the bed, and curled up hoping to sleep. Her sleep was restless and she woke up sweating, vomiting the empty contents of her stomach into the trashcan. Her limbs felt heavy and her head pounded and raged inside her skin.

The room was dim and it was night time. She couldn't tell if anyone was around because she was too busy throwing up. Panting softly she leaned back and grabbed tissue from beside the bed and wiped her mouth slowly. She had to dump the trash can or it'd stink up the room. Dixie forced herself up and wrapped a cardigan around her to fight off the chills. When she turned to get the trash can she stopped short.

Even though the room was dark she could still see. And on the pillow that she had just been laying on was a clump of brown hair. _Her brown hair._ Stunned she carefully felt the back of her head, her fingers catching on her strands, and pulled out too much hair to be natural.

Her hair was falling out.

Dixie clapped her hands over her mouth to keep her cry from being too loud. The reality of her situation pummeled her.

It wasn't like she didn't know, hadn't fought and wrestled with the whole having cancer thing. But...this was making it so damn real. More real than all the vomiting and the chemo treatments could ever make it. She was going to bald, her hair was going to be _gone_.

Dixie didn't know how long she stayed there, staring at the pillow. She remembered turning on the light and painstakingly examining the back of her head. She didn't see any bald patches but it was only a matter of time. With trembling hands she carefully pulled her hair back gently. Even more strands came out.

She looked at the sweater she had worn to treatment and saw hair on the back...she hadn't even noticed. How long had her hair been slowly shedding? This was the first clump...this was the first time she had noticed it so...how long did she have until it was gone? Until she had to start shopping for head scarfs.

A knock on her door made her jump.

"Dixie, I'm comin' in." Jax's voice echoed through. The door opened and Jax entered with a phone in his hand. "It's Tig, we got him a phone call."

She didn't know how they had gotten him a phone call this late at night but figured he must have made some pretty loud sounds to get it. She took the phone and pressed it to her ear giving Jax a thankful look.

"Hey, baby." She said into the phone.

Jax paused at the doorway and looked past her, at her pillow. She froze as he took in the clump of hair. For a fraction of a second their eyes met and he gave her an understanding nod before closing the door behind him.

"Hey, sweetheart." Tig said, his voice sounding distant. "How you feeling? I got word you had treatment today, right?"

"Yea, I did." She replied quietly relishing the sound of his voice, of the connection to him.

"How you feeling? Gemma said it was hitting you pretty hard."

She wanted to know what Gemma was doing, tell him that...she ignored the reaction and tried to assure her old man that she was fine. She didn't tell him that there was clumps of her hair falling out or that she could barely keep anything down or that she was achy and cold all the time. Instead she told him about her new friend Patty. Including the Playgirl magazine and it seemed to relax him. And that was what she needed. She needed him relaxed so he could be alert and safe inside.

"I don't want you to worry about staying at Jax and Tara's." He said cryptically. "You just focus on getting you better. I'm gonna get out soon, I promise baby."

"I..." Her voice broke despite her best efforts. Dixie's heart felt stretched to the max and so very tired. She didn't want to weigh him down but in one conversation she was feeling herself weaken. She closed her eyes and took a deep, steadying breath. "I miss you, baby."

"I miss you too, doll." He muttered, she heard the crackle of the distance between them and wiped her eyes so he wouldn't hear her cry. Tig breathed heavily and his voice came closer. "I love you so damn much, doll. Just the thought of you is getting me through. I ain't ever had a girl on the other side waiting for me like you. Those past bitches left before I got out."

She gave out a broken laugh. "We get through this, baby – the jail time, the chemo – I say we're as good as solid."  
>He cackled tiredly. "Yea, I say that's about right...you and me baby, Johnny and June."<p>

"Sid and Nancy."

Tig withdrew from the phone for a beat and came back with a resigned sound. "I gotta go baby, my time is running up. Listen to the boys, they'll take care of you. You don't gotta worry about a thing, I took care of everything."

She didn't have time to ask about that last part before she was telling him that she loved him and to hang in there and that she'd try to make it up to see him soon.

Dixie would never get a chance to go up and see him even though the next day Tara appeared with new nausea medication she hammered Dixie's doctors to order. Between the weed and the meds her nausea was tamed down a little but she was still out of it. It didn't get better but she adjusted to it. Despite that her doctors and Tara insisted that she stay away from stressful activities...like going up to Stockton to see her old man in jail.

The heat with the Club didn't ebb away until a week later. She either stayed at Tara's or went to the Clubhouse to hang. Dixie learned how stretched the Club could get watching out for all of the family members in times of stress. She took Tara's lead and took to sticking around the Club as much as possible so they wouldn't have to assign someone to her. Dixie had Maggie and a couple of the other girls clean the dorm rooms out and keep the Clubhouse extra neat and organized. It was the least she could to help.

It was easy to forget the little details but she remembered. She remembered how it was starting out on the bottom, the most meaningless tasks could really add up to a lot. The little things – fresh pot of coffee on, clean sheets, a loaded refrigerator, plenty of beer on hand – was what made the Clubhouse's heart keep beating in the times that the family was too busy to pay attention to those things. Maybe it was her sweet-butt background or maybe it was because she wanted to feel useful. The little things helped her feel part of things too. So Dixie took charge of the day to day little things in an effort to keep her mind busy, to help out.

But nothing could distract her from the truth of her hair.

The morning after her talk with Tig she called Maggie and asked her to come over when the rest of the family was gone. The only one there at the house was Filthy Phil who was making himself at home with the television and a bag of potato chips. He didn't really notice what they were doing, which was better in Dixie's mind. Maggie was so sweet about it too. She was always sweet but she was sweet enough this time to not ramble too much about stars and destiny and fate and the things she liked to fill the silence with. Instead she just quietly let Dixie direct her.

Dixie had her shave her head.

It wasn't like in the movies where the heroine dramatically shaves her head in front of the mirror. It was actually incredibly unglamorous or dramatic. It required cutting, sweeping, then awkward bending over the sink, and a buzzing shaver uncomfortably close to one's sensitive scalp. It wasn't dramatic or liberating or even traumatizing. At least not until the end. Not until she looked into the mirror after Maggie washed the shavings off of her scalp and saw herself bald, thin, and solemn. Then it was traumatizing.

She wasn't the young, party-loving stripper anymore. That girl was long, long gone. She had been stripped down to the core and beat down until she ran.

The only thing that tied her image to who she really was was the crow inked on her chest. She touched it as traitorous tears filled her eyes. Maggie didn't hug her, she didn't say something comforting, but she did do the best thing anyone could have done for Dixie at that moment. She left her alone.

A half an hour later Dixie wrapped the scarf she had chosen around her shaved head. It was gray with dark, tiny blue flowers, it was neutral, which was what she needed. She didn't want to wear a bright red scarf or a loud and proud pink scarf screaming her state of baldness. When she out of the room Maggie was braiding her hair into tiny little braids and Phil was still watching cartoons.

Maggie looked up and asked gently. "Are you okay?"

"I'm good." She replied flatly.

Filthy Phil looked away from the cartoon and blinked at her for a sec. "Did you do something different, Dixie? You look different."


End file.
